Personal Blog

Why Personal Growth Doesn’t Always Feel Like Growth

Last week, I wrote about social anxiety and how I overcame one of my biggest fears. I did the hard thing. I showed up alone, talked to strangers, and for the first time in a long time, I felt like a social person again. I was so proud of myself for stepping outside of my comfort zone.

But a few days later, it was like none of it had happened.

I found myself feeling low again. I started doubting my life, questioning my decisions, and the negative voices in my head became louder with each passing day.

This is the part of personal growth that people don’t talk about enough.

We often think growth should feel exciting, empowering, and pretty much permanent. We expect one breakthrough to change our lives completely. But sometimes, growth doesn’t feel like growth at all. Sometimes it feels like you’re right back where you started.

And that’s exactly where I’ve been.

When Everything Started to Feel Heavy Again

For the past month, I’ve been in a strange place mentally and emotionally.

I’ve questioned almost every decision I’ve made. I’ve felt embarrassed about where I am in life, ashamed that things aren’t moving as quickly as I hoped, and unsure if I’m even on the right path anymore.

It’s been three months since I quit my job to pursue my dream of becoming an online content creator. After having an honest conversation with my partner—which I shared in my post about emotional overwhelm—I realized those emotions hadn’t disappeared. They had simply been waiting beneath the surface.

I expected things to go back to “normal” after facing one of my biggest fears.

Instead, they didn’t leave and they lingered for longer than I would have wanted.

When One Moment Doesn’t Change Everything

Last week I wrote a post about working on overcoming my social anxiety and going to The Jersey Girl Walk. That event gave me such a high. For a few hours, I felt confident, connected, and hopeful.

During the walk, I clicked with two girls around my age. When I got home, I even created a group chat to tell them how nice it was meeting them, how comfortable they made me feel, and that I’d love to hang out again.

They both responded kindly.

Then… the conversation died.

That was all it took.

My mind immediately turned silence into rejection.

“They didn’t actually like you.”

“They were just being nice.”

“See? You’re still not enough.”

Nothing had actually happened, but my brain filled in the blanks with a story I’d been telling myself for years.

The Interview That Shook My Confidence

Around the same time, I interviewed for a position at a company I was genuinely excited about.

Unfortunately, my anxiety got the best of me.

For the next two weeks, I refreshed my email constantly, hoping I’d receive an invitation for the next interview.

Nothing came.

Before anyone officially rejected me, I had already rejected myself.

That’s when the old narrative came rushing back.

“Without a traditional job, you have no value.”

“Just give up on this dream and get a regular 9-to-5.”

“Who do you think you are trying to make content for a living?”

Those thoughts felt so convincing that I almost believed them.

The Weight of Comparing My Life

If I’m being honest, I think my expectations hurt me more than the situations themselves.

After the walk, I convinced myself I had finally figured out how to make friends again.

After the interview, I imagined myself working there. I pictured telling people where I worked because somehow that would make me feel more successful.

Then reality didn’t match the story I had created.

And that’s when everything came crashing down.

I’m 35 years old.

I don’t have the career I imagined.

I didn’t finish college.

I’m not married.

I don’t have kids.

I don’t own a house.

Sometimes it feels like all I have are dreams instead of accomplishments.

When I look at my life through that lens, shame becomes really loud.

I started realizing that I wasn’t looking for a job because I wanted one. I was looking for something that could finally make me feel worthy.

I’ve been searching for external validation because deep down, I still struggle to believe I’m enough without it.

How Emotional Overwhelm Affected Everything

Being in that emotional state made it almost impossible to create.

I stopped posting consistently on TikTok.

I didn’t feel like writing.

I barely touched my Etsy shop.

My creativity disappeared because mentally, I was exhausted.

Then the self-doubt became even louder.

“Why even try? This is going to fail just like everything else.”

I even restarted my 75 Soft Challenge twice because I kept self-sabotaging.

For a long time, I wondered why I always quit when things started getting uncomfortable.

Then I realized something that hurt to admit.

I don’t just abandon projects.

I abandon myself.

Every unfinished goal…

Every promise I break…

Every dream I walk away from…

is another way of protecting myself from the possibility of failing.

It’s a coping mechanism I’ve carried for years.

What This Season Taught Me

Now that I’m slowly coming out of this emotional funk, I’m trying to ask myself a different question.

Instead of asking, “Why did this happen to me?”

I’m asking,

“What is this trying to teach me?”

Maybe rejection isn’t always rejection.

Maybe it’s protection.

Maybe I didn’t get that job because it wasn’t meant for me.

Maybe the silence after the walk wasn’t rejection at all.

Maybe this season wasn’t meant to prove whether I could succeed.

Maybe it was meant to show me the beliefs that are still holding me back.

Because here’s what I’ve learned:

Healing doesn’t erase your old beliefs overnight.

It reveals them.

This past month showed me just how much my self-worth has been tied to external achievements.

It reminded me that when I’m emotionally overwhelmed, my creativity suffers. It also showed me that I still have limiting beliefs that deserve my attention instead of my shame.

Growth Doesn’t Always Feel Like Growth

Personal growth isn’t linear.

Some days, it feels like you’re making huge progress.

Other days, it feels like you’re moving backwards.

But maybe you’re not moving backwards at all.

Maybe you’re simply becoming more aware of the parts of yourself that still need healing.

Looking back, I don’t see this past month as a failure anymore.

I see it as a reminder that growth isn’t measured by how confident I feel every day.

It’s measured by my willingness to keep showing up, even when the old stories try to convince me to stop.

I’m still learning.

I’m still healing.

I’m still becoming.

And maybe that’s what personal growth actually looks like.

Social Anxiety: How I Finally Put Myself Out There

For this week’s post, I wanted to write about something that has been a real struggle for the past few years. I’ve been sharing my challenges with self-discipline, change, and being in the in-between phases—but I haven’t really opened up about something that has been “ruling” my life for the past 3–4 years: social anxiety.

Social anxiety has quietly influenced many of my decisions. Not because I don’t enjoy meeting people or don’t want friends, but because putting myself in unfamiliar social situations has often felt overwhelming.

This past weekend, I challenged myself to do something that scared me: attend a social event where I knew absolutely no one. The event was called the Jersey Girl Walk, and while it may seem simple to some people, for me it was a HUGE step outside my comfort zone.

This is the story of my struggle with social anxiety, the excuses I made, the fears I had, and how simply showing up is starting to change my life.

My History With Social Anxiety

I became aware that I had social anxiety about 3–4 years ago. Before that, I didn’t really think about it.

But during the pandemic, spending so much time alone and being away from social groups made me extremely anxious around people again. And to be honest, I think I’ve always had some level of anxiety when it comes to making new friends.

I spent a big part of my life masking myself—becoming a more “palatable” version just to be accepted and loved. I just wasn’t fully aware of it.

For me, social anxiety looks like:

  • Being afraid to meet new people
  • Fear of being judged or not liked
  • Overthinking what I’m going to say in conversations
  • Feeling awkward in social settings and unsure how to contribute
  • Feeling left out, especially when people already know each other

My mind often interprets that as: they’re probably talking about me when I’m not around.

This wasn’t always as intense as it is now, and I think becoming more self-aware also made me notice it more.

Lately, social situations have felt mentally exhausting before they even begin.

Mindset Shift

Lately, I’ve been feeling a shift within myself. There’s a part of me that feels like it’s waking up and wants to be more social again—to participate, connect, and be part of a community.

Maybe it’s me longing for connection again. Or maybe I’m gaining more control over my anxiety, which already feels like a huge win.

In the past, when I knew a social event was coming up, I would overthink everything. My mind would run through every possible scenario just to find a way out of it and go back to what felt “safe.”

But recently, that hasn’t been happening as much.

I was even able to go to my brother-in-law’s birthday celebration with Cesar. I didn’t feel overly anxious, I wasn’t overthinking it, and I was actually present and enjoying myself. I wanted to engage in conversations.

That alone felt like a major win for me.

When Fear and Excitement Exist at the Same Time

I knew that if I wanted to overcome this, I had to face it directly and do something outside my comfort zone.

I found a girl on TikTok organizing a social event for women to meet and make friends. I decided to go.

I added it to my calendar so I wouldn’t back out, and I made the decision that I was going no matter what.

Would my mind try to find excuses? Yes. But this time, I didn’t give them power. I stayed focused on my intention: do something uncomfortable to help myself grow.

Was I nervous the whole week leading up to it? Yes. But I also tried something new—I reframed the feeling from “anxiety” to “excitement.”

I once heard that fear and excitement feel very similar in the body. The difference is how we interpret it.

I don’t want to live my life guided by fear, so I’m choosing to lean into excitement about the unknown instead.

The only way my social life was going to change was if I did something different.

The Moment Everything Changed

The day of the event—The Jersey Girl Walk—I had the jitters.

I vlogged how I was feeling while driving to the park. The uncertainty of not knowing what to expect made me a little uneasy, but overall I felt excited.

When I arrived and saw a group of women already there, I internally wanted to scream a little lol—there was no turning back.

But I kept reminding myself: I got this. I can do this. There’s nothing to be afraid of.

And I channeled my inner Ari (my baby sis energy).

Once I got there, I actually did it. I started talking to people. I was the one initiating conversations. Me.

I couldn’t believe it.

I met two women who also seemed a bit introverted, and after a while we started walking together and naturally clicked.

What surprised me most was how social I actually became. It was shocking and eye-opening at the same time.

It also made me realize something important: a lot of people feel exactly the same way I do. We’re all just trying to connect and figure it out.

And that realization made me feel less alone.

What I Learned From Getting Out of My Comfort Zone

The only way out of my comfort zone is through discomfort. There’s no shortcut.

You just do it scared. That’s it.

The desire has to be stronger than the fear.

My mind had created so many stories about social situations—people judging me, not liking me, or laughing at me—but most of it was never real.

And yes, I might not click with everyone, and that’s okay. The people I’m meant to connect with will naturally gravitate toward me, and vice versa.

That walk taught me that I can do hard things.

That confidence comes after action, not before.

And that I’m slowly becoming a better, more grounded version of myself.

I didn’t leave the event as a completely different person. I left knowing I was capable of doing hard things.

And the best things in life really are on the other side of fear.

If You’re Struggling With Social Anxiety

You are not alone, and you are not crazy. Social anxiety is real, and it can feel extremely overwhelming.

The first step is recognizing it and accepting it.

Our minds can play tricks on us. Our brains are designed to keep us safe, which is why it creates scenarios that are often not real, just to protect us.

It took me years to get to a point where I’m no longer letting social anxiety fully control my life.

If you’re reading this, chances are you’re also trying to take back control.

Start small. Don’t let intrusive thoughts win the battle. You are stronger than you think.

Final Thoughts

This weekend wasn’t just about making new friends. It was about proving to myself that I don’t have to let fear make my decisions.

Social anxiety may still show up sometimes, but this experience reminded me that courage isn’t the absence of fear.

Sometimes courage is simply showing up anyway.

And you will never grow if you stay in your comfort zone.

How Emotional Overwhelm Affects Your Daily Life

Emotional overwhelm has a way of showing up when we least expect it. What starts as one stressful event can slowly impact our motivation, creativity, productivity, relationships, and overall well-being. And over the past two weeks, I experienced this up close and personal.

I thought I was losing motivation and falling behind on my goals, but what I eventually realized was that emotional overwhelm was affecting me deeply.

If you’ve been following my journey, you know I’ve been focused on building a life that feels more aligned with who I am. I’ve been growing my blog, creating products for my Etsy shop, learning new skills, and exploring creative outlets that genuinely light me up.

Then, almost overnight, everything felt heavier. Emotionally, I wasn’t okay.

What started as one difficult conversation turned into a week of uncertainty. Someone I love told me they needed to talk to me about something important, but it took nearly a week before that conversation actually happened. And during that time, my mind filled in the blanks. I found myself stuck between fear, anxiety, sadness, and uncertainty.

One emotionally charged event quickly turned into multiple spiraling moments that lasted almost 2 weeks. And while life around me continued moving forward, internally I felt stuck.

The Moment I Realized Emotional Overwhelm Was Affecting My Life

At first, I thought I was losing motivation because I wasn’t working on my blog. I wasn’t creating content or making progress on my Etsy shop. I was simply not following through on the goals I had set for myself.

I started questioning myself.

Why can’t I stay consistent?

Why do I keep losing momentum?

Why does this always happen to me?

The longer I sat with those questions, the more I realized I was focusing on the symptom instead of the cause.

The problem wasn’t motivation.

The problem was emotional overwhelm.

When we’re emotionally overwhelmed, our energy gets redirected. Instead of creating, we’re trying to process our emotions. Instead of building, we’re surviving. Instead of focusing on our future goals, we’re trying to make sense of what’s happening in the present moment.

How Emotional Overwhelm Affected My Motivation

One of the biggest lessons I learned is that emotional overwhelm can look a lot like a lack of motivation. From the outside, it may seem like we’re procrastinating, avoiding responsibilities, or simply not trying hard enough. But sometimes that’s not what’s happening at all.

Sometimes we’re carrying emotional weight that drains our mental and emotional energy.

I still cared deeply about my goals.

I still wanted to write.

I still wanted to work on my business.

I still wanted to create.

The desire was there.

The emotional capacity wasn’t.

Looking back, I wasn’t unmotivated. I was emotionally exhausted.

And that’s an important distinction.

Signs Emotional Overwhelm May Be Affecting Your Life

As I reflected on the past two weeks, I noticed several ways emotional overwhelm was showing up in my daily life:

  • Struggle to focus on tasks that normally feel manageable.
  • Creativity feels blocked.
  • Losing momentum on goals you genuinely care about.
  • Craving comfort foods more often.
  • Small tasks start feeling bigger than they really are.
  • Feeling mentally exhausted even when you’ve gotten enough rest.
  • Becoming more focused on processing emotions than taking action.

The tricky thing about emotional overwhelm is that it doesn’t always announce itself clearly. Sometimes it disguises itself as procrastination, inconsistency, or a lack of discipline.

How Emotional Overwhelm Impacted My Creativity and Productivity

One of the first things emotional overwhelm stole from me was my creativity.

Normally, ideas flow naturally and easilly. Writing feels exciting. Creating content feels fun and not like a burden.

But during these past two weeks, that creative energy disappeared.

Everything felt forced.

My mind was so consumed with processing my emotions that there wasn’t much room left for creating. I also noticed my productivity declining. Tasks that normally took a few minutes suddenly felt overwhelming. Decisions became harder. My focus was scattered. And I found myself doomscrolling every day during those 2 weeks.

This experience showed me that creativity and productivity aren’t separate from our emotional well-being.

They’re deeply connected to it.

The Connection Between Emotional Overwhelm and Healthy Habits

I also noticed emotional overwhelm affecting my relationship with food.

While I didn’t completely abandon my health goals, I found myself craving comfort foods more often and feeling less motivated to make choices that supported how I wanted to feel physically. I even gained a few pounds that I had originally lost because I eating more comfort foods than I had in these past 3 months.

At the same time, something interesting happened.

Despite everything I was feeling emotionally, I continued showing up for my workouts and meditation practice.

Not perfectly.

Not every day with enthusiasm.

But consistently.

And honestly, that realization brought me comfort.

For a moment, I was viewing these past two weeks as a complete failure. But maintaining those habits reminded me that I wasn’t falling apart. I was simply navigating a difficult emotional season. Those habits became anchors when everything else felt uncertain.

What Emotional Overwhelm Taught Me About Discipline

The biggest lesson emotional overwhelm taught me is that discipline isn’t about being perfect. It’s about continuing to show up, even when life feels messy. For years, I’ve been quick to label myself as inconsistent whenever I struggled to follow through on something.

But this experience challenged that narrative.

I realized that my emotional state directly affects how I show up for myself.

It affects my focus.

It affects my energy.

It affects my creativity.

It affects my ability to take action.

That doesn’t mean emotions should control my life, but it does mean they deserve my attention.

The version of me that writes, creates, dreams, and builds thrives when I am emotionally grounded.And maybe that’s true for more people than we realize.

My 75 Soft Challenge: Recovering From Emotional Overwhelm

Today is 5/1/26, and I’m choosing to see it as the beginning of a new chapter. Not because everything is suddenly perfect. Not because all my emotions have magically disappeared. But because I feel ready to reconnect with myself.

Today marks the start of my own version of a 75 Soft Challenge—a commitment to building discipline, consistency, emotional resilience, and self-trust one day at a time.

This challenge isn’t about punishment.

It’s not about making up for lost time.

And it’s definitely not about proving anything to anyone.

It’s about creating a life that supports the person I’m becoming.

A life where discipline and self-compassion can coexist peacefully.

A life where difficult emotions don’t automatically lead to self-abandonment.

A life where I continue choosing myself, even on the hard days.

Final Thoughts on Emotional Overwhelm

If these past two weeks taught me of anything, it’s this:

Emotional overwhelm doesn’t stay contained to one area of life. It has a way of touching everything—our creativity, our habits, our relationships, our productivity, and even our ability to believe in ourselves.

But healing works the same way.

When we begin caring for ourselves emotionally, that healing starts spilling into every area of our lives too.

I am not an unmotivated person.

I am not lazy.

I am not incapable of following through.

Sometimes I am simply emotionally overwhelmed. And instead of judging myself for it, I’m learning how to understand it.

One day at a time.

One choice at a time.

One promise to myself at a time.

how emotional overwhelm affects your life

How I Overcame Analysis Paralysis and Launched My First Etsy Shop

A few weeks ago I wrote about change, transformation, and the uncomfortable in-between phase of becoming someone new. And honestly? I didn’t realize that shortly after writing those posts, I was going to be tested on everything I had been talking about.

I disappeared for almost two weeks, and this time it was fully intentional.

When Motivation Isn’t Coming, You Go Anyway

When I quit my job two months ago, I knew I wanted to fully dive in and take my blog seriously. The problem was that I wasn’t feeling inspired or motivated to write. What I didn’t have a name for yet was analysis paralysis — and it had been running my life for years. For a while, I kept waiting for motivation to magically appear so I could finally start creating consistently again.

But one day something clicked.

I realized I didn’t need to wait until I felt motivated. I just needed to take action and keep showing up regardless of how I was feeling.

And ironically, the reason I didn’t have a blog post ready last week is because I was busy working on something that forced me to confront every fear, insecurity, and limiting belief I’ve been trying to overcome.

I Launched My First Etsy Shop — and Everything Changed

I launched my first Etsy shop – The Lucky Vibe Co Shop.

Even now, it feels surreal saying that out loud.

Honestly, I don’t even know how it all happened. Everything happened so suddenly and unexpectedly. I remember watching a TikTok one day and thinking, “Wait… can I do that too?”

And that simple question changed something in me.

What I haven’t shared here before is that I’ve dreamed about having an online business for years. YEARS. But it always stayed in the dream stage. I would think about it constantly, imagine different ideas, research everything, plan things out in my head… and still do very little to actually make it happen.

After feeling overwhelmed for weeks trying to figure out how to build an Etsy shop, I made the decision to temporarily pause my other projects and focus only on learning how to build my business.

I knew that if I truly wanted to create a print-on-demand business, I needed to stop consuming information endlessly and actually start applying what I was learning.

What Is Analysis Paralysis? (And Why I Lived In It for Years)

And that’s when I had a really uncomfortable realization about myself.

I could suddenly see how overthinking had become a form of protection.

Staying in the “planning” phase felt safer than taking action. Because if I never fully tried, then I never had to risk failing. I never had to risk being judged. I never had to risk proving to myself that maybe I couldn’t do it.

I’ve always had big dreams for myself and for my life. But now I can clearly see how analysis paralysis kept me stuck for years.

So what exactly is analysis paralysis?

For me, it looked like constantly overthinking every decision to the point where I became stuck and unable to move forward. Endless research. Endless second-guessing. Wanting everything to be perfect before starting. Convincing myself I needed more time, more knowledge, more certainty.

Underneath all of that was fear.

Fear of failure.
Fear of judgment.
Fear of making the wrong decision.
Fear of not being good enough.

I’ve always had big dreams for myself and for my life. But now I can clearly see how analysis paralysis kept me stuck for years. And if I’m being honest, I think I spent most of my teenage years and adulthood trapped in that cycle.

Awareness Is Only Half the Battle

For a long time, I genuinely thought something was wrong with me. I couldn’t understand why I struggled so much to move forward with goals and plans even though deep down I wanted more for myself.

It wasn’t until I started doing inner work in my 30s that things slowly started making sense. I became aware of unhealthy patterns, limiting beliefs, and survival mechanisms I had been carrying for years.

Awareness changed everything for me.

But here’s the thing nobody really talks about: becoming aware of your patterns and actually changing your life are two completely different things.

That part is hard.

Healing is hard.
Changing is hard.
Taking action while feeling terrified is hard.

And we live in a time where everyone is constantly broadcasting their achievements and successes online. When you’re already struggling mentally and fighting your own inner battles, watching everyone else’s highlight reel can make you feel even more behind.

Learning how to have more control over my mind and thoughts has been one of the biggest challenges of my life. And trust me, I have not mastered it. Not even close.

But I’m also not the same person I was five years ago. Honestly, I’m not even the same person I was a year ago.

How I Finally Chose Differently

I realized that my mind was keeping me imprisoned in fear. And if I truly wanted to change my life, I needed to start trusting myself enough to make decisions even when fear was screaming at me to stay safe and stay small.

That’s why opening my Etsy shop feels so much deeper than “just starting a business.”

For me, it represents choosing differently.

Instead of asking: “What if it doesn’t work?”

I started asking: “But what if it does?”

And every single day, I’m making the choice to take action instead of letting fear dictate my future.

Was I scared as sh*t before launching The Lucky Vibes Co Shop? Absolutely.

My mind pulled excuses from the deepest chapters of my “Negativity and Pessimism Volume 3” collection trying to convince me not to do it lol.

But this time I chose differently.

I decided it didn’t need to be perfect from the beginning. I decided I could remain a student, continue learning, and improve as I go.

Where I Am Now — Building Anyway

So far, the only sale I’ve gotten has been from my incredibly supportive partner — and honestly? That’s okay. It’s only been a few days.

For the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m finally moving instead of just dreaming.

Deep in my bones, I believe things will eventually work out in my favor one way or another. I have to believe that my dreams and desires are stronger than the fears that tried to silence them for years.

This is where I currently am in my journey.

Building. Learning. Trying. Failing. Growing. Showing up anyway.

One day at a time, I’m working toward building the life I know I deserve. Not perfectly, but honestly. No longer allowing fear and insecurities to completely control me.

And maybe that’s what real change actually looks like — not becoming fearless overnight, but deciding that your dreams matter more than your fear.

So let me ask you this: What dreams or goals are you postponing until you finally feel ready?

Drop it in the comments — I’d love to know I’m not the only one.

After years of overthinking and fear, I finally took a leap of faith and launched my Etsy shop. Here’s what analysis paralysis taught me.

How to Change Your Life Realistically (What I’m Actually Doing)

As I’m sitting here trying to write this week’s post, I can’t help but feel a bit uneasy.

I’ve been writing about being in the “in-between phase”— that space where you’re no longer who you used to be, but you aren’t the person you envision yet.

Personally, this “transition period” has been nothing but ups and downs.

I feel like I’ve been in this phase for as long as I can remember, and it got me thinking…

How am I actually changing my life for the better?

What am I doing to get closer to my future self?

In this post I’m going to share how to change your life realistically.

The Struggle Phase

To be completely honest, being in the “struggle phase” is probably my least favorite place to be.. and definitely the most draining.

Why?

Because you’re in a constant inner battle between who you used to be and the person you’re trying so hard to become.

It feels like swimming against the current. No matter how hard you try to reach the shore, the current pulls you back every time.

(In this case, the current is your old self.)

For me, I think I’ve been in this phase for too long… I’d say about five years.

Insight

After being mentally stuck in this struggle phase, I didn’t get out of it by accident, or by suddenly gaining willpower.

I believe life forced me to change because I had been stuck there for far too long… and it was starting to feel comfortable.

I truly believe that if you don’t get your life together a las buenas, you’ll be forced to do it a las malas.

As I mentioned in a previous post, the second half of 2025 was my “second awakening”… and it came in one of the most painful and overwhelming ways.

My body was sending me a message: things needed to change now, or they were only going to get worse.

Going through medical issues, facing the fear of having breast cancer, and discovering a tumor in my pituitary gland… all of that woke me the hell up.

Obviously, I didn’t change overnight.

But that moment became a turning point—a catalyst that pushed me to finally take my life seriously and start working toward becoming a better version of myself.

The Shift

What truly changed for me was realizing that my job was draining me.. mentally, emotionally, and physically.

It wasn’t helping me grow. It was hurting me.

I requested time off to focus on my mental health, and during that time, I felt a sense of peace I hadn’t felt in a long time.

Even my physical symptoms started to fade.

But as soon as I returned to work after six weeks, those symptoms came back.

That was my confirmation.

I needed to leave—for my overall well-being.

So six months later, I finally walked away from that toxic job.

Now, I’m giving myself the time and space to invest in myself while working toward my personal goals.

It’s been almost 2 months since I quit, and during this time, I’ve had to sit with myself and ask:

“What are we going to do differently this time?”

“How are we actually going to follow through?”

Action (What I’m Actually Doing)

I truly believe that having this time to focus on myself—and to build a system that works for me—has made all the difference.

I’ve been in this position before: leaving a job, feeling unfulfilled, then panicking because I didn’t have a plan… and ultimately feeling like I wasted time.

But this time is different.

Now, I’m actually implementing daily habits—and sticking to them.

Instead of letting my days pass by, I plan them.

Every night, I map out my schedule for the next day.

I started to use the reminders app on my iPhone to list everything I need to do, and I check things off as I go.

I’ve also been trying habit apps like Atoms (by James Clear), which I really like, and the Forest app to help me stay focused and avoid distractions.

But more than anything, what has truly changed is my mindset.

Mentally, I feel more grounded, more present, and overall more positive.

I’ve made the decision to commit to a few non-negotiables every day:

  • Meditating in the morning
  • Working out
  • Eating healthier
  • Reading at least 5 pages a day

Reflection

I don’t think I would be here if it weren’t for all those years of trying—and failing.

But every time I failed, I learned something new about myself.

I know now that real change doesn’t happen overnight.

It takes time, action and dedication

But most importantly, it takes not giving up on the desire to change.

Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that change isn’t linear.

Some days, you show up fully. Other days, you fall back into old patterns.

And for a long time, I used to think that meant I was failing.

But now I see it differently.

Every setback, every moment I fell back… it was all part of the process that got me here.

Because at some point, growth stops being a choice… and becomes a necessity.

how to change your life realistically

Why Is It Hard to Change?

The Truth About Growth No One Talks About

Last week, I wrote about being in the “in-between phase”— that space where you’re no longer who you used to be, but you’re not quite who you want to become yet.

And it got me thinking…

Why is it so hard to change?

Why do we want to change so badly, but our actions don’t match that desire?

I’m going to speak from my own experience.. what I’ve been going through.. because maybe you’ll see yourself in it too.

For a long time, I’ve said I wanted to become more disciplined and stop procrastinating. I started noticing patterns in my life that kept repeating in different areas. At the same time, this internal narrative would play on repeat:

“I’m not good enough.”

“I’m a failure.”

“I lack discipline.”

“I have no motivation.”

It was constant. And it made me feel worse. It’s like the desire to change was there… but the follow-through wasn’t. So I stayed stuck in this loop for years:

Wanting to change → trying for a little → going back to old habits.

When Change Feels Like a Threat

At some point, I realized something that shifted everything for me:

Change felt unfamiliar. And unfamiliar felt unsafe.

So my brain treated change as a threat. And what happens when something feels like a threat?

Resistance shows up to protect you.

For the longest time, I thought something was wrong with me. How could I want to become a better version of myself, but feel like I didn’t have the willpower to actually do it?

I would try for a little while… and then fall back into what felt familiar and safe.

The Pattern That Kept Me Stuck

Looking back, I can clearly see the pattern I was stuck in:

I would consume something inspiring → feel motivated → talk about it like I had changed → not fully apply it → and then fall back into my old habits.

And then the cycle would repeat.

A perfect example of this was when I first bought Atomic Habits by James Clear.

I really thought reading it would magically transform me.

I read it. Listened to the audiobook. Even started talking about it like I had mastered discipline. I was preaching habit stacking and small steps…

Meanwhile, I wasn’t fully applying it.

I even wrote a post on my blog a while back about “mastering discipline.”

Looking back now… I had the knowledge, but not the embodiment.

And I think that’s where a lot of us get stuck.

We mistake learning for becoming.

We think that because we understand something, we’ve changed.

But real change doesn’t happen when you consume information.

It happens when you consistently apply it – especially when you don’t feel like it.

What Finally Shifted for Me

Last summer, everything hit me at once.

My health, my mental state, my life… and it forced me to wake the hell up.

It was one of the most stressful and overwhelming periods of my life. I was going through medical issues without getting clear answers from doctors.

But in retrospect, I can see why I had to experience that level of discomfort during the second half of 2025.

I believe everything I went through medically forced me to finally change my life.

So I made a decision:

I chose myself.

I decided to leave my unfulfilling job in 2026.

I started making small changes in my everyday life to build better habits.

I gave myself time to fall back in love with myself.

And I began rebuilding my life intentionally.

Not perfectly, but consistently.

Fast Forward to Now

Here I am in April 2026.

Since quitting my job in March I started to working out. Doing pilates, walking on the treadmill daily, making sure I hit 10k steps a day. I became more mindful of what I eat. I’ve lost almost 15 pounds in 6 weeks.

But more than that…

I’ve been choosing myself every single day. And yes, having time and space helped a lot. But I also know this time is an investment in my future. Because while I’m building healthier habits, I’m also building the life I actually want.

Still working on discipline. Still learning accountability. But this time… I’m actually doing something about it. I stopped blaming everything on my past.

Yes, I grew up in survival mode.

Yes, my internal dialogue was negative.

Yes, fear, guilt, and shame shaped a lot of my decisions.

But at some point, I had to take responsibility for own my life, and be the adult.

So… Why Is Change So Hard?

Because it requires you to:

  • Let go of what feels familiar
  • Face the parts of yourself you’ve been avoiding
  • Choose differently—over and over again

Even when it’s uncomfortable.

Even when you don’t feel ready.

Even when you fall back into old patterns.

Because you will fall back sometimes. That’s part of the process.

But this time, I feel different.

I feel more aware.

More prepared.

More committed.

I can feel the shift. And this shift didnt happen overnight. It took years of trying and failing to get to this place and have a more positive mindset.

Final Thoughts

Change is hard. Sometimes really hard.

But it’s also a choice, one you make every single day. And eventually, those small choices start to create a new version of you.

If you’re in your own “in-between phase” right now… Just know you’re not alone.

You’re not behind.

You’re not failing.

You’re becoming.

And the most beautiful version of you is already on the way, you just have to decide to work towards that version everyday.

why is it hard to change?

You’re Not Lost — You’re in the In-Between Phase

(When you’re no longer who you were, but not yet who you’re becoming)

I’ve been in this weird space lately…

The kind where you’re not the same person you used to be… but you’re also not fully the person you’re trying to become.

And honestly?

I think this is one of the hardest phases to be in.

Because how do you even explain it?

It feels like you’re stuck between two versions of yourself; your old self and your future self and somehow you’re both… at the same time.

The truth about the “in-between phase”

If I had to describe it simply, I’d say this:

You’re aware enough to know your old habits, patterns, and behaviors aren’t aligned anymore… but not disciplined or healed enough (yet) to fully embody your new self.

So you end up in this constant internal battle.

One part of you is like:

“We’re doing better. We’re growing. We’re evolving.”

And the other part?

“Let’s go back to what’s comfortable.”

And that tension?

Yeah… that’s the in-between.

The illusion of self-awareness

When I first started becoming more self-aware, I really thought that was it.

Like…

“Oh, I see everything clearly now. I’ve evolved. I’m a new person.”

Yeah… no. That’s not how it works.

Self-awareness feels powerful at first because you start seeing everything differently. Your patterns, your choices, your mindset, even the people around you.

It’s like putting on a new pair of glasses and suddenly everything makes sense.

But here’s the truth no one really talks about:

Self-awareness doesn’t change your life. It just shows you what needs to change.

That’s it.

Why this phase feels so uncomfortable

Because once you see it… you can’t unsee it.

There’s no going back to being unaware.

Even when you try to ignore it, that little voice in your head is like:

“You know better.”

And when you know better but don’t do better?

That’s when it hits the hardest.

That’s when the guilt comes in.

The frustration.

The feeling like you’re failing yourself.

But you’re not failing.

You’re just in the middle of becoming.

What growth actually looks like

Growth isn’t this instant transformation where you wake up as your “best self.”

It’s messy.

It’s uncomfortable.

It’s repetitive.

Honestly… it reminds me of a baby learning how to walk.

At first, they realize they can move.

Then they try.

They fall.

They try again.

They wobble.

They fall again.

Over and over.

Until one day… they’re walking.

That’s exactly what this phase feels like.

You’re learning how to be a new version of yourself and it’s not going to be perfect.

There are going to be days where you fall back into old habits.

Days where you feel like you made no progress at all.

But that doesn’t mean you’re not growing.

So how do you move through the in-between phase?

I’m not going to give you some perfect, polished answer…

Because honestly?

I think it’s this simple:

You choose, every single day, to try again.

That’s it.

You don’t need to have it all figured out.

You don’t need to be perfect.

You don’t even need to feel ready.

You just need to keep choosing the version of you that you’re becoming.

Even on the days where it feels hard.

Even on the days where you slip back.

Even on the days where you feel stuck.

Because what’s the alternative?

Going back to a version of yourself you’ve already outgrown?

Yeah… no, we are not doing that anymore.

A little reminder (for you and for me)

I’ve spent a lot of my life self-sabotaging, procrastinating, and staying stuck in cycles I knew weren’t good for me.

It felt like I wanted to change… but I wasn’t actually doing anything about it.

Like I was running my life on Windows 98… when I know damn well I’m meant for something so much better.

And now?

Even though I’m still in this in-between phase…

I can see the difference.

I’m not the same person I was a year ago.

And that alone means something.

If you’re in this phase too…

Give yourself some grace.

Seriously.

Stop being so hard on yourself for not being “there” yet.

You’re not behind.

You’re not lost.

You’re not failing.

You’re becoming.

And that version of you.. the one you’re working toward?

It already exists.

You’re just learning how to meet them.

And if there’s one thing I know for sure…

I’m not giving up on myself this time.

And neither should you.

You are not lost - you are in the in-between phase

Life After Quitting My Job: Finding Myself in the In-Between

I’ve been talking about leaving my job.. the one that wasn’t fulfilling me for a while now.

And well… I actually did it.

It’s been 6 weeks since I left my job.
Like… I really left.

FINALLY.

And even though a part of me feels free, lighter, and more like myself…
there’s also a part of me that still doesn’t fully know what I want to do next.

And honestly? I’m learning to be okay with that.

This is my real experience of life after quitting my job.. the part no one really talks about.

Life After Quitting My Job Isn’t What I Expected

To say I’ve been feeling my absolute best is an understatement.

I’ve taken this time to get back to myself, to reconnect, to pour into me, and to fall back in love with every part of who I am. And it’s been a journey.
(Yes, I love turning everything into a journey lol.)

I knew that with all this free time that I have now, I needed to get back to my blog. To start writing again about what I’m going through, my life experiences, and what I’m learning along the way.

But if I’m being honest… I haven’t felt “motivated” or “inspired” to write.

And I didn’t understand why.

This is something I didn’t expect when it came to life after quitting my job.. this feeling of being a little lost, unmotivated, and unsure of what to do next.

Why I Haven’t Felt Motivated or Inspired

I think it’s because I’ve been putting too much pressure on myself and especially on this blog.

Or maybe it’s because I want every post to be perfect for whoever reads it… so I never even start.

Something I realized is that before, I was trying to be too intentional with what I was writing. I was trying to sound “preachy,” like I had everything figured out so I could help and inspire the next person.

But the truth is…

I don’t have my life figured out.

And I think that fear.. the fear of not knowing what’s going to happen next has been holding me back.

So it shows up as “lack of motivation” or “feeling uninspired,” but really… it’s just fear.

Finding Myself in the In-Between Phase

When I created this space, my intention was simple: to help others who are going through similar journeys feel less alone while trying to figure life out.

And that is still 1000% my intention for this little corner of the internet.

But yeah, life is hard.

My 30s have been the most confusing, painful, chaotic, depressing, messy years of my life…
but also the most beautiful and rewarding chapter I’m still living through.

I’ve grown.
I’ve learned.
I’ve survived.

And now… I just want to live.

Like, fully live life and experience all of it. The good, the bad, and everything in between.

Mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually… I feel different.

Like I’m starting to fall back in love with my own essence.

There’s a part of me that wants to come out; to fully express, explore, and just be.

And I think I’m ready to share that here.

The in-between.

That space where you’re no longer who you used to be… but you’re not quite where you’re meant to be yet.

That space can feel uncomfortable, but it’s also where the magic happens.

Learning to Trust Life After Quitting My Job

I’m learning that life after quitting my job isn’t about having everything figured out.

It’s about trusting myself through the unknown.

I don’t want to waste any more of my time or energy doing things that don’t feel meaningful or nourishing.

I’m ready to pour back into myself.
I’m ready to fall back in love with life.

And that’s what I’m going to start sharing here. What this phase looks and feels like for me… even on the days when I have no idea what I’m doing.

So yeah… sit back and enjoy the ride.

Tomorrow isn’t promised.

And I think it’s time we start appreciating life a little more because honestly, we’re not getting any younger.

I’m not even sure where I was going with this post, but hey… it’s going live anyway.

Messy, real, and a little all over the place.

Because that’s me.

A beautiful mess.. and I’m not going to feel shame for it.

Happy New Moon in Aries 🌑✨

life after quitting job

The Moment Everything Changed in My Healing Journey

I was scheduled to have surgery last Friday 11/21 to remove the granuloma in my left breast, something I had been mentally preparing for weeks, (click here to read more). But the days leading up to surgery were emotionally confusing. Part of me wondered if I was avoiding the heavy feelings because that’s what I’ve done most of my life. Another part of me felt.. different. Braver. More grounded. More in control of my emotions and my mind. And deep down, I kept sensing that this whole experience was less about removing “something” from my body and more about surrendering to my healing journey and trusting that I was being guided through something bigger than me. Even if it didn’t make sense yet.

But if I’m honest, underneath all of that?

I was scared.

Scared of hearing the word cancer.

Scared of how my breast might look after surgery.

Scared of how my partner might see me afterward.

All of those thoughts floated around quietly in the background, but I didn’t let them take control over me. I wanted to walk into surgery with the most peaceful mindset possible.

The Moment Everything Shifted

I barely slept, maybe four hours.

We left the house around 5:15 AM for my 6:30 check-in time.

But surprisingly… I felt calm.

Centered.

Like something inside me kept whispering:

“You’re okay. You’re safe. You can trust this.”

After checking in and I got to my hospital bed I noticed the number and couldn’t help but smiled. It was #18 and of course I took it as another sign. In numerology, 9 (1+8=9) is the number of completion, integration, and closing cycles. And in that moment, I felt an unexplainable sense of comfort and alignment.

Almost like the universe was saying:

“This chapter is closing.”

My surgeon walked in to examine me one last time before going into the OR.

And that’s when everything changed.

The “mass”, the granuloma wasn’t there anymore.

It had shrunk dramatically, to the point where she couldn’t feel anything to remove. She looked at me and said she didn’t think surgery was necessary. Instead, she offered a surgical biopsy to give me peace of mind.

It was one of the most surreal moments of my healing journey.

After months of pain, fear, swelling, redness, discomfort, and countless appointments…

something inside me finally let go.

My body surrendered before I even consciously did.

I still don’t know if it was the medication, the mindset shift, the spiritual work, or a combination of everything but I know this:

My body is healing. My spirit is healing. I am healing.

💗 Then Something Else Happened…

Today, I got my new prolactin levels back and they dropped significantly and it’s almost back to normal.

Seeing that number fall felt like a wave crashing over me.

I cried.

Not out of fear… but out of release.

It was confirmation that my healing journey is moving in the right direction. Slow, steady, and divinely guided. I’ve only been on the medication a short time, and yet my body is responding. My emotions are shifting. My spirit feels lighter.

It’s like the universe is placing soft hands on my shoulders saying:

“I told you you’re going to be okay.”

What I’m Learning About Surrender

This chapter of my healing journey has been teaching me four big things:

1. Healing isn’t just physical – it’s emotional, mental, and spiritual.

My body is healing, yes… but so is my heart. My mind.

The part of me that used to live in fear is slowly dissolving.

2. Surrender doesn’t mean giving up – it means trusting.

Trusting that things are unfolding exactly as they should.

Even when it feels slow.

Even when it’s uncomfortable.

3. My body talks – and I’m finally listening.

The flare-ups, the pain, the anxiety… all of it was communication.

And now, so is the relief, the shrinking, the softening.

4. Real healing is happening – and I can feel it.

Emotionally, I’m more grounded.

Mentally, I’m more present.

Physically, my body is letting go of what it doesn’t need.

Spiritually, I feel held.

Closing Thoughts

I know I’m still in the middle of this healing journey.

There are more appointments ahead, more tests, more uncertainty and waiting to see if I will need surgery to remove the pituitary tumor or not.

But something inside me has shifted.

I no longer feel like I’m fighting my body.

I feel like I’m working with it.

And for the first time in a long time, I’m not running from the discomfort.

I’m allowing it.

Feeling it.

Listening to it.

Because healing isn’t clean or pretty, but it is transformative.

And right now, I’m witnessing a transformation in real time.

This is the moment everything changed in my healing journey.

And I’m finally ready for the next chapter.

sharing my story about my healing journey

The Ongoing Battle Between Self-Discipline and Self-Sabotage

Every time I try to show up for myself, something inside me finds a way to resist it. I don’t hear the same voice that used to whisper, “You’ll never change or stick with it anyway,” because I’m more in control of my thoughts now. But that voice has turned into something else.

It’s a force that still finds ways to paralyze me and pull me back into old habits every time I try to move forward. That’s my constant battle between self-discipline and self-sabotage; a tug-of-war between my old self and my new self, both fighting for my attention.

Honestly, it feels like being stuck between divorced parents who hate each other. Both demanding your loyalty while you’re just trying to survive the chaos. (I’d know, because I am that kid, so I guess you could say I speak from experience lol.)

Where My Self-Sabotage Comes From

Over the last few years, I’ve become painfully aware of my self-sabotage patterns. I wanted to know where they came from and who or what taught me to destroy my own progress? Just so I can find someone because it’s easier than to blame my parents, especially my mom, for not teaching me consistency or discipline, than holding myself accountable.

I grew up in survival mode, so of course chaos feels familiar. Peace feels foreign. Rest feels unsafe.

And even though I say I want to change, and repeat all these positive affirmations every morning, my body is still stuck in survival mode and while learning how to feel safe again.

Self-sabotage isn’t laziness.

It’s fear disguised as protection.

For years, my brain believed chaos was safer than peace because peace meant letting my guard down. And back then, I couldn’t afford that.

What Self-Discipline Is Teaching Me

This year, the universe basically said, “We’re not doing this BS anymore. Either you change or I’ll make you change,” so here I am, writing about it.

Discipline has been my teacher. It’s how I’m rebuilding trust with myself. Every small promise I keep, every task I complete tells my brain “See, Ale? We can change. We can depend on ourselves now.”

Right now, I’m on day 72 of The Pivot Year by Brianna Wiest; a book of 365 daily meditations for anyone struggling with self-sabotage and change. On September 1 of this year, I made the conscious decision to dedicate an entire year to becoming the best version of myself.

Every morning, I write my to-do list. My non-negotiables: meditation, journaling, reading a daily page of The Pivot Year, walking for 25 minutes, and working on my blog.

Some days, I tackle everything. Other days, I don’t. But I’m no longer chasing perfection.

Now, I practice compassion, especially on the days when I feel resistance and don’t check off every task. The most important thing is that I don’t give up and I try again.

How I Catch Myself Before I Spiral

Here are a few things that help me when I feel self-sabotage creeping in:

  • 🪞 Ask what I’m resisting. Fear is usually hiding behind procrastination.
  • 🗒️ Set realistic expectations. Overloading myself only leads to burnout.
  • ✍️ Do a brain dump or journal before bed. (Doesn’t always happen, but I keep trying!)
  • 🤝 Have an accountability buddy. Someone who reminds me why I started and keeps me motivated.

These small practices help me rewire my mind and stop the cycle before it spirals.

The Two Voices I Wake Up With

Every morning, I wake up with two voices; one that fears change and doubts my ability to follow through, and another that believes in the woman I’m becoming.

I’m learning to listen to the second one.. the one that whispers,

“You owe it to your future self. She’s waiting for you to keep going.”

Because that’s what self-discipline vs self-sabotage really is, a daily choice. Some days, self-sabotage wins. But now, I don’t abandon myself when it does. I take a breath, start again, and remind myself that even starting over is progress.

And with everything I’m going through, my health, work, and everything in between, there are days when my energy is at 0%. On those days, I let myself rest without guilt. But I also make sure I don’t stay in that energy for too long. Resting is part of healing and growth, as long as it doesn’t turn into another excuse.

That’s how self-discipline wins; not in perfection, but in the quiet moments where I choose to keep going, honor my body, and show up again when I’m ready.

self-discipline-vs-self-sabotage
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