Personal Blog

How I Overcame Analysis Paralysis and Launched My First Etsy Shop

A few weeks ago I wrote about change, transformation, and the uncomfortable in-between phase of becoming someone new. And honestly? I didn’t realize that shortly after writing those posts, I was going to be tested on everything I had been talking about.

I disappeared for almost two weeks, and this time it was fully intentional.

When Motivation Isn’t Coming, You Go Anyway

When I quit my job two months ago, I knew I wanted to fully dive in and take my blog seriously. The problem was that I wasn’t feeling inspired or motivated to write. What I didn’t have a name for yet was analysis paralysis — and it had been running my life for years. For a while, I kept waiting for motivation to magically appear so I could finally start creating consistently again.

But one day something clicked.

I realized I didn’t need to wait until I felt motivated. I just needed to take action and keep showing up regardless of how I was feeling.

And ironically, the reason I didn’t have a blog post ready last week is because I was busy working on something that forced me to confront every fear, insecurity, and limiting belief I’ve been trying to overcome.

I Launched My First Etsy Shop — and Everything Changed

I launched my first Etsy shop – The Lucky Vibe Co Shop.

Even now, it feels surreal saying that out loud.

Honestly, I don’t even know how it all happened. Everything happened so suddenly and unexpectedly. I remember watching a TikTok one day and thinking, “Wait… can I do that too?”

And that simple question changed something in me.

What I haven’t shared here before is that I’ve dreamed about having an online business for years. YEARS. But it always stayed in the dream stage. I would think about it constantly, imagine different ideas, research everything, plan things out in my head… and still do very little to actually make it happen.

After feeling overwhelmed for weeks trying to figure out how to build an Etsy shop, I made the decision to temporarily pause my other projects and focus only on learning how to build my business.

I knew that if I truly wanted to create a print-on-demand business, I needed to stop consuming information endlessly and actually start applying what I was learning.

What Is Analysis Paralysis? (And Why I Lived In It for Years)

And that’s when I had a really uncomfortable realization about myself.

I could suddenly see how overthinking had become a form of protection.

Staying in the “planning” phase felt safer than taking action. Because if I never fully tried, then I never had to risk failing. I never had to risk being judged. I never had to risk proving to myself that maybe I couldn’t do it.

I’ve always had big dreams for myself and for my life. But now I can clearly see how analysis paralysis kept me stuck for years.

So what exactly is analysis paralysis?

For me, it looked like constantly overthinking every decision to the point where I became stuck and unable to move forward. Endless research. Endless second-guessing. Wanting everything to be perfect before starting. Convincing myself I needed more time, more knowledge, more certainty.

Underneath all of that was fear.

Fear of failure.
Fear of judgment.
Fear of making the wrong decision.
Fear of not being good enough.

I’ve always had big dreams for myself and for my life. But now I can clearly see how analysis paralysis kept me stuck for years. And if I’m being honest, I think I spent most of my teenage years and adulthood trapped in that cycle.

Awareness Is Only Half the Battle

For a long time, I genuinely thought something was wrong with me. I couldn’t understand why I struggled so much to move forward with goals and plans even though deep down I wanted more for myself.

It wasn’t until I started doing inner work in my 30s that things slowly started making sense. I became aware of unhealthy patterns, limiting beliefs, and survival mechanisms I had been carrying for years.

Awareness changed everything for me.

But here’s the thing nobody really talks about: becoming aware of your patterns and actually changing your life are two completely different things.

That part is hard.

Healing is hard.
Changing is hard.
Taking action while feeling terrified is hard.

And we live in a time where everyone is constantly broadcasting their achievements and successes online. When you’re already struggling mentally and fighting your own inner battles, watching everyone else’s highlight reel can make you feel even more behind.

Learning how to have more control over my mind and thoughts has been one of the biggest challenges of my life. And trust me, I have not mastered it. Not even close.

But I’m also not the same person I was five years ago. Honestly, I’m not even the same person I was a year ago.

How I Finally Chose Differently

I realized that my mind was keeping me imprisoned in fear. And if I truly wanted to change my life, I needed to start trusting myself enough to make decisions even when fear was screaming at me to stay safe and stay small.

That’s why opening my Etsy shop feels so much deeper than “just starting a business.”

For me, it represents choosing differently.

Instead of asking: “What if it doesn’t work?”

I started asking: “But what if it does?”

And every single day, I’m making the choice to take action instead of letting fear dictate my future.

Was I scared as sh*t before launching The Lucky Vibes Co Shop? Absolutely.

My mind pulled excuses from the deepest chapters of my “Negativity and Pessimism Volume 3” collection trying to convince me not to do it lol.

But this time I chose differently.

I decided it didn’t need to be perfect from the beginning. I decided I could remain a student, continue learning, and improve as I go.

Where I Am Now — Building Anyway

So far, the only sale I’ve gotten has been from my incredibly supportive partner — and honestly? That’s okay. It’s only been a few days.

For the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m finally moving instead of just dreaming.

Deep in my bones, I believe things will eventually work out in my favor one way or another. I have to believe that my dreams and desires are stronger than the fears that tried to silence them for years.

This is where I currently am in my journey.

Building. Learning. Trying. Failing. Growing. Showing up anyway.

One day at a time, I’m working toward building the life I know I deserve. Not perfectly, but honestly. No longer allowing fear and insecurities to completely control me.

And maybe that’s what real change actually looks like — not becoming fearless overnight, but deciding that your dreams matter more than your fear.

So let me ask you this: What dreams or goals are you postponing until you finally feel ready?

Drop it in the comments — I’d love to know I’m not the only one.

After years of overthinking and fear, I finally took a leap of faith and launched my Etsy shop. Here’s what analysis paralysis taught me.

How to Change Your Life Realistically (What I’m Actually Doing)

As I’m sitting here trying to write this week’s post, I can’t help but feel a bit uneasy.

I’ve been writing about being in the “in-between phase”— that space where you’re no longer who you used to be, but you aren’t the person you envision yet.

Personally, this “transition period” has been nothing but ups and downs.

I feel like I’ve been in this phase for as long as I can remember, and it got me thinking…

How am I actually changing my life for the better?

What am I doing to get closer to my future self?

In this post I’m going to share how to change your life realistically.

The Struggle Phase

To be completely honest, being in the “struggle phase” is probably my least favorite place to be.. and definitely the most draining.

Why?

Because you’re in a constant inner battle between who you used to be and the person you’re trying so hard to become.

It feels like swimming against the current. No matter how hard you try to reach the shore, the current pulls you back every time.

(In this case, the current is your old self.)

For me, I think I’ve been in this phase for too long… I’d say about five years.

Insight

After being mentally stuck in this struggle phase, I didn’t get out of it by accident, or by suddenly gaining willpower.

I believe life forced me to change because I had been stuck there for far too long… and it was starting to feel comfortable.

I truly believe that if you don’t get your life together a las buenas, you’ll be forced to do it a las malas.

As I mentioned in a previous post, the second half of 2025 was my “second awakening”… and it came in one of the most painful and overwhelming ways.

My body was sending me a message: things needed to change now, or they were only going to get worse.

Going through medical issues, facing the fear of having breast cancer, and discovering a tumor in my pituitary gland… all of that woke me the hell up.

Obviously, I didn’t change overnight.

But that moment became a turning point—a catalyst that pushed me to finally take my life seriously and start working toward becoming a better version of myself.

The Shift

What truly changed for me was realizing that my job was draining me.. mentally, emotionally, and physically.

It wasn’t helping me grow. It was hurting me.

I requested time off to focus on my mental health, and during that time, I felt a sense of peace I hadn’t felt in a long time.

Even my physical symptoms started to fade.

But as soon as I returned to work after six weeks, those symptoms came back.

That was my confirmation.

I needed to leave—for my overall well-being.

So six months later, I finally walked away from that toxic job.

Now, I’m giving myself the time and space to invest in myself while working toward my personal goals.

It’s been almost 2 months since I quit, and during this time, I’ve had to sit with myself and ask:

“What are we going to do differently this time?”

“How are we actually going to follow through?”

Action (What I’m Actually Doing)

I truly believe that having this time to focus on myself—and to build a system that works for me—has made all the difference.

I’ve been in this position before: leaving a job, feeling unfulfilled, then panicking because I didn’t have a plan… and ultimately feeling like I wasted time.

But this time is different.

Now, I’m actually implementing daily habits—and sticking to them.

Instead of letting my days pass by, I plan them.

Every night, I map out my schedule for the next day.

I started to use the reminders app on my iPhone to list everything I need to do, and I check things off as I go.

I’ve also been trying habit apps like Atoms (by James Clear), which I really like, and the Forest app to help me stay focused and avoid distractions.

But more than anything, what has truly changed is my mindset.

Mentally, I feel more grounded, more present, and overall more positive.

I’ve made the decision to commit to a few non-negotiables every day:

  • Meditating in the morning
  • Working out
  • Eating healthier
  • Reading at least 5 pages a day

Reflection

I don’t think I would be here if it weren’t for all those years of trying—and failing.

But every time I failed, I learned something new about myself.

I know now that real change doesn’t happen overnight.

It takes time, action and dedication

But most importantly, it takes not giving up on the desire to change.

Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that change isn’t linear.

Some days, you show up fully. Other days, you fall back into old patterns.

And for a long time, I used to think that meant I was failing.

But now I see it differently.

Every setback, every moment I fell back… it was all part of the process that got me here.

Because at some point, growth stops being a choice… and becomes a necessity.

how to change your life realistically

Why Is It Hard to Change?

The Truth About Growth No One Talks About

Last week, I wrote about being in the “in-between phase”— that space where you’re no longer who you used to be, but you’re not quite who you want to become yet.

And it got me thinking…

Why is it so hard to change?

Why do we want to change so badly, but our actions don’t match that desire?

I’m going to speak from my own experience.. what I’ve been going through.. because maybe you’ll see yourself in it too.

For a long time, I’ve said I wanted to become more disciplined and stop procrastinating. I started noticing patterns in my life that kept repeating in different areas. At the same time, this internal narrative would play on repeat:

“I’m not good enough.”

“I’m a failure.”

“I lack discipline.”

“I have no motivation.”

It was constant. And it made me feel worse. It’s like the desire to change was there… but the follow-through wasn’t. So I stayed stuck in this loop for years:

Wanting to change → trying for a little → going back to old habits.

When Change Feels Like a Threat

At some point, I realized something that shifted everything for me:

Change felt unfamiliar. And unfamiliar felt unsafe.

So my brain treated change as a threat. And what happens when something feels like a threat?

Resistance shows up to protect you.

For the longest time, I thought something was wrong with me. How could I want to become a better version of myself, but feel like I didn’t have the willpower to actually do it?

I would try for a little while… and then fall back into what felt familiar and safe.

The Pattern That Kept Me Stuck

Looking back, I can clearly see the pattern I was stuck in:

I would consume something inspiring → feel motivated → talk about it like I had changed → not fully apply it → and then fall back into my old habits.

And then the cycle would repeat.

A perfect example of this was when I first bought Atomic Habits by James Clear.

I really thought reading it would magically transform me.

I read it. Listened to the audiobook. Even started talking about it like I had mastered discipline. I was preaching habit stacking and small steps…

Meanwhile, I wasn’t fully applying it.

I even wrote a post on my blog a while back about “mastering discipline.”

Looking back now… I had the knowledge, but not the embodiment.

And I think that’s where a lot of us get stuck.

We mistake learning for becoming.

We think that because we understand something, we’ve changed.

But real change doesn’t happen when you consume information.

It happens when you consistently apply it – especially when you don’t feel like it.

What Finally Shifted for Me

Last summer, everything hit me at once.

My health, my mental state, my life… and it forced me to wake the hell up.

It was one of the most stressful and overwhelming periods of my life. I was going through medical issues without getting clear answers from doctors.

But in retrospect, I can see why I had to experience that level of discomfort during the second half of 2025.

I believe everything I went through medically forced me to finally change my life.

So I made a decision:

I chose myself.

I decided to leave my unfulfilling job in 2026.

I started making small changes in my everyday life to build better habits.

I gave myself time to fall back in love with myself.

And I began rebuilding my life intentionally.

Not perfectly, but consistently.

Fast Forward to Now

Here I am in April 2026.

Since quitting my job in March I started to working out. Doing pilates, walking on the treadmill daily, making sure I hit 10k steps a day. I became more mindful of what I eat. I’ve lost almost 15 pounds in 6 weeks.

But more than that…

I’ve been choosing myself every single day. And yes, having time and space helped a lot. But I also know this time is an investment in my future. Because while I’m building healthier habits, I’m also building the life I actually want.

Still working on discipline. Still learning accountability. But this time… I’m actually doing something about it. I stopped blaming everything on my past.

Yes, I grew up in survival mode.

Yes, my internal dialogue was negative.

Yes, fear, guilt, and shame shaped a lot of my decisions.

But at some point, I had to take responsibility for own my life, and be the adult.

So… Why Is Change So Hard?

Because it requires you to:

  • Let go of what feels familiar
  • Face the parts of yourself you’ve been avoiding
  • Choose differently—over and over again

Even when it’s uncomfortable.

Even when you don’t feel ready.

Even when you fall back into old patterns.

Because you will fall back sometimes. That’s part of the process.

But this time, I feel different.

I feel more aware.

More prepared.

More committed.

I can feel the shift. And this shift didnt happen overnight. It took years of trying and failing to get to this place and have a more positive mindset.

Final Thoughts

Change is hard. Sometimes really hard.

But it’s also a choice, one you make every single day. And eventually, those small choices start to create a new version of you.

If you’re in your own “in-between phase” right now… Just know you’re not alone.

You’re not behind.

You’re not failing.

You’re becoming.

And the most beautiful version of you is already on the way, you just have to decide to work towards that version everyday.

why is it hard to change?

You’re Not Lost — You’re in the In-Between Phase

(When you’re no longer who you were, but not yet who you’re becoming)

I’ve been in this weird space lately…

The kind where you’re not the same person you used to be… but you’re also not fully the person you’re trying to become.

And honestly?

I think this is one of the hardest phases to be in.

Because how do you even explain it?

It feels like you’re stuck between two versions of yourself; your old self and your future self and somehow you’re both… at the same time.

The truth about the “in-between phase”

If I had to describe it simply, I’d say this:

You’re aware enough to know your old habits, patterns, and behaviors aren’t aligned anymore… but not disciplined or healed enough (yet) to fully embody your new self.

So you end up in this constant internal battle.

One part of you is like:

“We’re doing better. We’re growing. We’re evolving.”

And the other part?

“Let’s go back to what’s comfortable.”

And that tension?

Yeah… that’s the in-between.

The illusion of self-awareness

When I first started becoming more self-aware, I really thought that was it.

Like…

“Oh, I see everything clearly now. I’ve evolved. I’m a new person.”

Yeah… no. That’s not how it works.

Self-awareness feels powerful at first because you start seeing everything differently. Your patterns, your choices, your mindset, even the people around you.

It’s like putting on a new pair of glasses and suddenly everything makes sense.

But here’s the truth no one really talks about:

Self-awareness doesn’t change your life. It just shows you what needs to change.

That’s it.

Why this phase feels so uncomfortable

Because once you see it… you can’t unsee it.

There’s no going back to being unaware.

Even when you try to ignore it, that little voice in your head is like:

“You know better.”

And when you know better but don’t do better?

That’s when it hits the hardest.

That’s when the guilt comes in.

The frustration.

The feeling like you’re failing yourself.

But you’re not failing.

You’re just in the middle of becoming.

What growth actually looks like

Growth isn’t this instant transformation where you wake up as your “best self.”

It’s messy.

It’s uncomfortable.

It’s repetitive.

Honestly… it reminds me of a baby learning how to walk.

At first, they realize they can move.

Then they try.

They fall.

They try again.

They wobble.

They fall again.

Over and over.

Until one day… they’re walking.

That’s exactly what this phase feels like.

You’re learning how to be a new version of yourself and it’s not going to be perfect.

There are going to be days where you fall back into old habits.

Days where you feel like you made no progress at all.

But that doesn’t mean you’re not growing.

So how do you move through the in-between phase?

I’m not going to give you some perfect, polished answer…

Because honestly?

I think it’s this simple:

You choose, every single day, to try again.

That’s it.

You don’t need to have it all figured out.

You don’t need to be perfect.

You don’t even need to feel ready.

You just need to keep choosing the version of you that you’re becoming.

Even on the days where it feels hard.

Even on the days where you slip back.

Even on the days where you feel stuck.

Because what’s the alternative?

Going back to a version of yourself you’ve already outgrown?

Yeah… no, we are not doing that anymore.

A little reminder (for you and for me)

I’ve spent a lot of my life self-sabotaging, procrastinating, and staying stuck in cycles I knew weren’t good for me.

It felt like I wanted to change… but I wasn’t actually doing anything about it.

Like I was running my life on Windows 98… when I know damn well I’m meant for something so much better.

And now?

Even though I’m still in this in-between phase…

I can see the difference.

I’m not the same person I was a year ago.

And that alone means something.

If you’re in this phase too…

Give yourself some grace.

Seriously.

Stop being so hard on yourself for not being “there” yet.

You’re not behind.

You’re not lost.

You’re not failing.

You’re becoming.

And that version of you.. the one you’re working toward?

It already exists.

You’re just learning how to meet them.

And if there’s one thing I know for sure…

I’m not giving up on myself this time.

And neither should you.

You are not lost - you are in the in-between phase

Life After Quitting My Job: Finding Myself in the In-Between

I’ve been talking about leaving my job.. the one that wasn’t fulfilling me for a while now.

And well… I actually did it.

It’s been 6 weeks since I left my job.
Like… I really left.

FINALLY.

And even though a part of me feels free, lighter, and more like myself…
there’s also a part of me that still doesn’t fully know what I want to do next.

And honestly? I’m learning to be okay with that.

This is my real experience of life after quitting my job.. the part no one really talks about.

Life After Quitting My Job Isn’t What I Expected

To say I’ve been feeling my absolute best is an understatement.

I’ve taken this time to get back to myself, to reconnect, to pour into me, and to fall back in love with every part of who I am. And it’s been a journey.
(Yes, I love turning everything into a journey lol.)

I knew that with all this free time that I have now, I needed to get back to my blog. To start writing again about what I’m going through, my life experiences, and what I’m learning along the way.

But if I’m being honest… I haven’t felt “motivated” or “inspired” to write.

And I didn’t understand why.

This is something I didn’t expect when it came to life after quitting my job.. this feeling of being a little lost, unmotivated, and unsure of what to do next.

Why I Haven’t Felt Motivated or Inspired

I think it’s because I’ve been putting too much pressure on myself and especially on this blog.

Or maybe it’s because I want every post to be perfect for whoever reads it… so I never even start.

Something I realized is that before, I was trying to be too intentional with what I was writing. I was trying to sound “preachy,” like I had everything figured out so I could help and inspire the next person.

But the truth is…

I don’t have my life figured out.

And I think that fear.. the fear of not knowing what’s going to happen next has been holding me back.

So it shows up as “lack of motivation” or “feeling uninspired,” but really… it’s just fear.

Finding Myself in the In-Between Phase

When I created this space, my intention was simple: to help others who are going through similar journeys feel less alone while trying to figure life out.

And that is still 1000% my intention for this little corner of the internet.

But yeah, life is hard.

My 30s have been the most confusing, painful, chaotic, depressing, messy years of my life…
but also the most beautiful and rewarding chapter I’m still living through.

I’ve grown.
I’ve learned.
I’ve survived.

And now… I just want to live.

Like, fully live life and experience all of it. The good, the bad, and everything in between.

Mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually… I feel different.

Like I’m starting to fall back in love with my own essence.

There’s a part of me that wants to come out; to fully express, explore, and just be.

And I think I’m ready to share that here.

The in-between.

That space where you’re no longer who you used to be… but you’re not quite where you’re meant to be yet.

That space can feel uncomfortable, but it’s also where the magic happens.

Learning to Trust Life After Quitting My Job

I’m learning that life after quitting my job isn’t about having everything figured out.

It’s about trusting myself through the unknown.

I don’t want to waste any more of my time or energy doing things that don’t feel meaningful or nourishing.

I’m ready to pour back into myself.
I’m ready to fall back in love with life.

And that’s what I’m going to start sharing here. What this phase looks and feels like for me… even on the days when I have no idea what I’m doing.

So yeah… sit back and enjoy the ride.

Tomorrow isn’t promised.

And I think it’s time we start appreciating life a little more because honestly, we’re not getting any younger.

I’m not even sure where I was going with this post, but hey… it’s going live anyway.

Messy, real, and a little all over the place.

Because that’s me.

A beautiful mess.. and I’m not going to feel shame for it.

Happy New Moon in Aries 🌑✨

life after quitting job

The Moment Everything Changed in My Healing Journey

I was scheduled to have surgery last Friday 11/21 to remove the granuloma in my left breast, something I had been mentally preparing for weeks, (click here to read more). But the days leading up to surgery were emotionally confusing. Part of me wondered if I was avoiding the heavy feelings because that’s what I’ve done most of my life. Another part of me felt.. different. Braver. More grounded. More in control of my emotions and my mind. And deep down, I kept sensing that this whole experience was less about removing “something” from my body and more about surrendering to my healing journey and trusting that I was being guided through something bigger than me. Even if it didn’t make sense yet.

But if I’m honest, underneath all of that?

I was scared.

Scared of hearing the word cancer.

Scared of how my breast might look after surgery.

Scared of how my partner might see me afterward.

All of those thoughts floated around quietly in the background, but I didn’t let them take control over me. I wanted to walk into surgery with the most peaceful mindset possible.

The Moment Everything Shifted

I barely slept, maybe four hours.

We left the house around 5:15 AM for my 6:30 check-in time.

But surprisingly… I felt calm.

Centered.

Like something inside me kept whispering:

“You’re okay. You’re safe. You can trust this.”

After checking in and I got to my hospital bed I noticed the number and couldn’t help but smiled. It was #18 and of course I took it as another sign. In numerology, 9 (1+8=9) is the number of completion, integration, and closing cycles. And in that moment, I felt an unexplainable sense of comfort and alignment.

Almost like the universe was saying:

“This chapter is closing.”

My surgeon walked in to examine me one last time before going into the OR.

And that’s when everything changed.

The “mass”, the granuloma wasn’t there anymore.

It had shrunk dramatically, to the point where she couldn’t feel anything to remove. She looked at me and said she didn’t think surgery was necessary. Instead, she offered a surgical biopsy to give me peace of mind.

It was one of the most surreal moments of my healing journey.

After months of pain, fear, swelling, redness, discomfort, and countless appointments…

something inside me finally let go.

My body surrendered before I even consciously did.

I still don’t know if it was the medication, the mindset shift, the spiritual work, or a combination of everything but I know this:

My body is healing. My spirit is healing. I am healing.

💗 Then Something Else Happened…

Today, I got my new prolactin levels back and they dropped significantly and it’s almost back to normal.

Seeing that number fall felt like a wave crashing over me.

I cried.

Not out of fear… but out of release.

It was confirmation that my healing journey is moving in the right direction. Slow, steady, and divinely guided. I’ve only been on the medication a short time, and yet my body is responding. My emotions are shifting. My spirit feels lighter.

It’s like the universe is placing soft hands on my shoulders saying:

“I told you you’re going to be okay.”

What I’m Learning About Surrender

This chapter of my healing journey has been teaching me four big things:

1. Healing isn’t just physical – it’s emotional, mental, and spiritual.

My body is healing, yes… but so is my heart. My mind.

The part of me that used to live in fear is slowly dissolving.

2. Surrender doesn’t mean giving up – it means trusting.

Trusting that things are unfolding exactly as they should.

Even when it feels slow.

Even when it’s uncomfortable.

3. My body talks – and I’m finally listening.

The flare-ups, the pain, the anxiety… all of it was communication.

And now, so is the relief, the shrinking, the softening.

4. Real healing is happening – and I can feel it.

Emotionally, I’m more grounded.

Mentally, I’m more present.

Physically, my body is letting go of what it doesn’t need.

Spiritually, I feel held.

Closing Thoughts

I know I’m still in the middle of this healing journey.

There are more appointments ahead, more tests, more uncertainty and waiting to see if I will need surgery to remove the pituitary tumor or not.

But something inside me has shifted.

I no longer feel like I’m fighting my body.

I feel like I’m working with it.

And for the first time in a long time, I’m not running from the discomfort.

I’m allowing it.

Feeling it.

Listening to it.

Because healing isn’t clean or pretty, but it is transformative.

And right now, I’m witnessing a transformation in real time.

This is the moment everything changed in my healing journey.

And I’m finally ready for the next chapter.

sharing my story about my healing journey

The Ongoing Battle Between Self-Discipline and Self-Sabotage

Every time I try to show up for myself, something inside me finds a way to resist it. I don’t hear the same voice that used to whisper, “You’ll never change or stick with it anyway,” because I’m more in control of my thoughts now. But that voice has turned into something else.

It’s a force that still finds ways to paralyze me and pull me back into old habits every time I try to move forward. That’s my constant battle between self-discipline and self-sabotage; a tug-of-war between my old self and my new self, both fighting for my attention.

Honestly, it feels like being stuck between divorced parents who hate each other. Both demanding your loyalty while you’re just trying to survive the chaos. (I’d know, because I am that kid, so I guess you could say I speak from experience lol.)

Where My Self-Sabotage Comes From

Over the last few years, I’ve become painfully aware of my self-sabotage patterns. I wanted to know where they came from and who or what taught me to destroy my own progress? Just so I can find someone because it’s easier than to blame my parents, especially my mom, for not teaching me consistency or discipline, than holding myself accountable.

I grew up in survival mode, so of course chaos feels familiar. Peace feels foreign. Rest feels unsafe.

And even though I say I want to change, and repeat all these positive affirmations every morning, my body is still stuck in survival mode and while learning how to feel safe again.

Self-sabotage isn’t laziness.

It’s fear disguised as protection.

For years, my brain believed chaos was safer than peace because peace meant letting my guard down. And back then, I couldn’t afford that.

What Self-Discipline Is Teaching Me

This year, the universe basically said, “We’re not doing this BS anymore. Either you change or I’ll make you change,” so here I am, writing about it.

Discipline has been my teacher. It’s how I’m rebuilding trust with myself. Every small promise I keep, every task I complete tells my brain “See, Ale? We can change. We can depend on ourselves now.”

Right now, I’m on day 72 of The Pivot Year by Brianna Wiest; a book of 365 daily meditations for anyone struggling with self-sabotage and change. On September 1 of this year, I made the conscious decision to dedicate an entire year to becoming the best version of myself.

Every morning, I write my to-do list. My non-negotiables: meditation, journaling, reading a daily page of The Pivot Year, walking for 25 minutes, and working on my blog.

Some days, I tackle everything. Other days, I don’t. But I’m no longer chasing perfection.

Now, I practice compassion, especially on the days when I feel resistance and don’t check off every task. The most important thing is that I don’t give up and I try again.

How I Catch Myself Before I Spiral

Here are a few things that help me when I feel self-sabotage creeping in:

  • 🪞 Ask what I’m resisting. Fear is usually hiding behind procrastination.
  • 🗒️ Set realistic expectations. Overloading myself only leads to burnout.
  • ✍️ Do a brain dump or journal before bed. (Doesn’t always happen, but I keep trying!)
  • 🤝 Have an accountability buddy. Someone who reminds me why I started and keeps me motivated.

These small practices help me rewire my mind and stop the cycle before it spirals.

The Two Voices I Wake Up With

Every morning, I wake up with two voices; one that fears change and doubts my ability to follow through, and another that believes in the woman I’m becoming.

I’m learning to listen to the second one.. the one that whispers,

“You owe it to your future self. She’s waiting for you to keep going.”

Because that’s what self-discipline vs self-sabotage really is, a daily choice. Some days, self-sabotage wins. But now, I don’t abandon myself when it does. I take a breath, start again, and remind myself that even starting over is progress.

And with everything I’m going through, my health, work, and everything in between, there are days when my energy is at 0%. On those days, I let myself rest without guilt. But I also make sure I don’t stay in that energy for too long. Resting is part of healing and growth, as long as it doesn’t turn into another excuse.

That’s how self-discipline wins; not in perfection, but in the quiet moments where I choose to keep going, honor my body, and show up again when I’m ready.

self-discipline-vs-self-sabotage
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When Healing Gets Hard: Emotional Healing During Chronic Illness

I’m not going to lie, being back at work has taken a toll on my emotional health. Dealing with multiple medical issues all at once while trying to show up in an environment where I don’t feel at ease has been a lot. I’m doing my best to juggle everything and keep it “together,” but lately, life has felt overwhelming.

Over the last few months, my healing journey has tested me in every possible way; physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I’ve shared parts of my diagnosis with a pituitary tumor, but what I haven’t shared much about is how this all began and how deeply it has affected me.

The Beginning of It All

It started back in July, during the 4th of July weekend, when my left breast suddenly began to hurt out of nowhere. I woke up in the middle of the night to a sharp, excruciating pain that I had never felt before. For several days I tried to ignore it, hoping it would go away on its own but instead, the pain worsened. The area became red, warm, and hard to the touch and I began to worry.

Eventually, I went to see my primary doctor. Something I had been dreading because the fear of breast cancer immediately took over my mind. During the exam, I dissociated completely. I felt exposed, vulnerable, and terrified. My body was there, but my mind was somewhere else, trying to escape “my reality”.

After the exam my doctor ordered a mammogram and ultrasound, suspecting an infection rather than cancer. That gave me a little relief, but the fear didn’t just disappear. Deep down, I knew something was off. When a bit of milky discharge came out during the exam, he decided to check my prolactin levels… and that’s when my body truly started speaking to me.

For years, I ignored the signals my body sent me. I pushed through pain, silenced discomfort, and stayed disconnected. But this time was different. This pain demanded to be felt. It was the beginning of another awakening.. one that shook me to my core and forced me to stop being numb.

Breast Infection, Pituitary Tumor and New Medications

After several months, two mammograms, two ultrasounds, a needle biopsy, a round of steroids, and a brain MRI I was diagnosed with granulomatous mastitis, which it will be removed surgically in 2 weeks (I will talk more about it in a future post) and a pituitary tumor; prolactinoma (click here to read the diagnose).

The endocrinologist suggested that the brain tumor is most likely caused by the high prolactin levels. And instead of removing it now, she put me on medication to help shrink it. It’s a slow process and it could take up to a year to fully “dissolved”.

Still, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared or impatient. I’ve noticed since I started taking the meds, I feel sleepier and my mood constantly changing throughout the day. It makes me feel like I am in an emotional roller coaster. I understand this is part of the process and I believe everything I am currently experiencing it’s for my highest good.

The Emotional Weight of Healing

Now, four months later, I’m preparing for surgery to remove the granuloma in just a few weeks. The pain has flared up again, right before returning to work and it’s been hard to stay centered. I was “fine” while I was out on FMLA, focusing on rest and self-care, but going back to the structure and stress of daily life has stirred everything up again.

Some days, I feel strong and hopeful. Other days, I crumble under the weight of it all. I’m tired, not just physically, but emotionally. There are moments when I feel like the light at the end of the tunnel keeps moving farther away.

I try to remind myself that this is just a moment, not a lifetime. That even when it feels like too much, my body and spirit are working together to heal me. But I’d be lying if I said I don’t feel exhausted. My body is clearly communicating with me, showing me how much I’ve suppressed and now, everything I buried is rising to the surface.

Learning to Listen to My Body

This chapter of my life is forcing me to slow down and truly listen. To my body, my emotions, my intuition.

I’ve spent so many years running from discomfort, trying to fix things immediately, but now I’m learning that healing isn’t linear. Sometimes it’s slow, uncomfortable, and deeply frustrating but it’s also sacred.

Even when it hurts, I remind myself that this isn’t punishment. It’s transformation. I’m not a victim, and I never will be. This is simply another chapter in my journey; one that’s teaching me resilience, patience, and trust.

My body is talking to me, guiding me toward a new level of awareness, and showing me how to rise higher. I may not have all the answers right now, but I have faith that one day, I’ll look back and understand why this all had to happen the way it did.

For now, I’m allowing myself to feel it all; the pain, the frustration, the fatigue, and the hope, because that’s what emotional healing during chronic illness really looks like. It’s not about avoiding the storm but learning to stand in it and still believe the sun will come out again.

My Pituitary Tumor Diagnosis and Treatment Journey

After what feels like months of uncertainty, I finally have answers — and a plan.
Last week, I met with my endocrinologist and learned that the type of pituitary tumor I have is called a prolactinoma. Hearing those words made everything feel real. For so long, I was caught between worry and confusion, but now I finally understand what’s going on with my body — and what the next chapter of my healing journey will look like.

My Pituitary Tumor Diagnosis and Treatment Plan

My endocrinologist explained that my pituitary tumor diagnosis and treatment plan will focus on managing my high levels of prolactin. Because the tumor is producing too much of that hormone, I’ve been prescribed medication to help shrink it gradually over time.

The good news? Surgery isn’t needed right now.
The challenge? The process will take time — possibly up to a year before the tumor fully shrinks.

When I first heard that, I felt a mix of emotions. I wouldn’t say “hopeless,” but definitely impatient. I’ve been craving resolution, wanting to fast-forward to the part where I’m “better.” But the truth is, there’s no shortcut to healing. This diagnosis reminded me that some things require patience, trust, and time — and that’s okay.

Knowing what to expect now brings me a sense of peace. The waiting was the hardest part. Not knowing made me spiral. But now, even though the road ahead feels long, at least I can see the path forward.

Living With a Prolactinoma: Finding Meaning in the Waiting

Living with a prolactinoma is teaching me lessons I didn’t know I needed. Patience. Surrender. Faith.

A part of me used to avoid my feelings — especially the uncomfortable ones. I’d distract myself, move on quickly, or try to skip straight to the “lesson.” But this time, I’m choosing to do things differently. I’m allowing myself to feel everything — the frustration, the discomfort, the slowness of it all.

It’s not easy. Healing never is. But I know this experience is trying to show me something deeper — that growth happens when we stop running from pain and start listening to what it’s trying to tell us.

And honestly? I think that’s what this prolactinoma came to teach me. To slow down, to listen to my body and to trust that even in the waiting, I’m still moving forward.

What My Pituitary Tumor Journey Is Teaching Me

A few days before my appointment, I noticed something strange. The pain in my left breast started to come back, and my plantar fasciitis flared up again — almost like my body was screaming for attention. It was a reminder that my body always speaks before my mind catches up.

That was my confirmation. A clear sign that something about my job and environment is no longer aligned with where I’m supposed to be.

But instead of reacting impulsively or quitting right away, I’m choosing to be smart this time — to create a plan and prepare before I take the next leap. I’m learning that listening to my body doesn’t always mean acting fast. Sometimes, it means sitting still and letting clarity arrive on its own time.

Learning to Be Patient With the Process

This pituitary tumor diagnosis and treatment journey has been a humbling one. I’m realizing that healing is as much emotional as it is physical. It’s not about “fixing” myself — it’s about learning to be patient, kind, and compassionate with my body while it does what it needs to do.

Some days, I feel strong and hopeful. Other days, I feel tired and discouraged. But I’m learning that both can exist at once — that I can feel gratitude and frustration, peace and uncertainty, all at the same time.

I may not be able to control how fast this tumor shrinks, but I can control how I show up for myself through it. That’s where my power is.

Key Takeaway

This pituitary tumor diagnosis and treatment journey is teaching me to slow down, to listen, and to trust. Healing isn’t meant to be rushed — it’s meant to be experienced.

So for now, I’m letting patience lead the way.

pituitary tumor treatment plan

Returning to Work: Balancing a Full-Time Job and My Side Projects

Returning to work after taking time off has felt both grounding and challenging. This first week back has been all about balancing a full-time job and my side projects while trying to protect my peace. I’m grateful I got to take a break from work, but part of me feels scared that my old habits might creep back in and that I might lose the momentum I’ve built these past few weeks for my personal projects, like my blog.

After 5 weeks away on FMLA, I finally returned to my 9–5 this past Monday. To say I was excited to go back would be a lie. I always knew this day would come, but I didn’t anticipate the anxiety to hit a few days before I had to return. I was overthinking everything; returning to a toxic environment, seeing people again, and worrying about how it might affect not just my routine, but also my mental and emotional well-being.

Walking back into the office kind of felt like the first day of school. I was anxious, nervous, and scared, but also grateful that I have a job. As the day went by, I realized it wasn’t as bad as I’d imagined. That’s when it clicked: my mind had been playing tricks on me this whole time. Most of the fear I felt was just that, fear. It wasn’t reality.

Listening to My Body

A few days before returning to work, I noticed my left breast started to hurt again, and the pain from my plantar fasciitis came back. At first, I brushed it off, but deep down I knew my body was trying to tell me something.

Those physical symptoms were my body’s way of speaking loud and clear: “Something here isn’t right.”

It was confirmation that the job I’m in is no longer aligned with where I’m headed. This time, I’m choosing to listen differently. Instead of making an impulsive decision and quitting out of frustration, I’m being smart and strategic about my next move. I want to take the leap, but with intention, preparation, and a clear plan.

The Reality of Finding Balance

In a previous post, I wrote about how intentional I wanted to be during my 5 weeks off. That I didn’t want to make the same mistake of letting time go to waste. So I focused on building discipline and consistency, two things of my biggest struggles.

Being out of work helped a lot because I finally had time to experiment with different systems and routines. Each morning, I wrote down my to-do list and set clear intentions for my day. I wanted to bring that same structure into my work life when I returned. But the truth is, this week has been harder than I expected.

By midweek, I noticed how mentally exhausted I felt after being in front of a computer for 8 hours. And the last thing I wanted to do was open my laptop to work on my blog after a long day in the office. That’s when I realized something important: I needed to adjust my expectations and rework my daily routine to avoid burning out.

This week has been a trial run; a reminder that balancing a full-time job and my side projects is going to take time, patience, and grace.

Adjusting, Not Quitting

If I’m being completely honest, this week didn’t go as I had imagined. It’s been hard to find my rhythm again without falling back into old habits. I’ve had to remind myself that it’s okay to be tired, to rest, to readjust.

What matters is that I don’t give up. I won’t abandon myself or my dreams just because it’s hard.

This experience is teaching me that balance isn’t about doing everything perfectly. It’s about showing up in small ways, even when life feels heavy. It’s about learning to flow with change, not resist it.

So no, this week didn’t go as I wanted to and that’s okay. I’m learning to release expectations and live more realistically. I know I’ll find my rhythm again, and when I do, I make sure to let you all know.

Key Takeaway

Balancing a full-time job and side projects isn’t easy; but it’s possible when you give yourself grace, listen to your body, and remember that growth happens one imperfect day at a time.

balancing a full-time job and side projects

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