Realizing that I had low self-esteem was one of the hardest and most painful truths that I had to face once I started my healing journey.
For today’s blog, I’m going to share my personal journey with low self-esteem. For years, I struggled with self-doubt, insecurities, and a lack of self-love. It wasn’t until I hit my 30s (hey there Saturn’s return) that I woke up to the harsh reality that I didn’t truly love myself. The constant self-criticism, the fear of not being “enough,” it all weighed heavily on me. All of this made me realize that I had been neglecting the most important relationship in my life: the one with myself. So grab a cup of tea and cozy up as I share my story and some tips for boosting your own self-esteem.
Realizing the Struggle:
As mentioned in a previous post, I always felt like an outcast, like I didn’t fit in anywhere. I was constantly comparing myself to others, feeling like I wasn’t good enough. Always scrutinizing my face or body in the mirror, only to become obsessed with perceived “imperfections” and feeling worse about myself. While I don’t want to fully blame my parents for not fostering my self-esteem, when I look back, I see how both of them struggled with their own self-worth, which inevitably influenced my own self-perception.
Once puberty hit, I became even more critical of my appearance. From enduring two years of braces to struggling with styling my frizzy hair, every change seemed to magnify my self-doubt. Acne became a constant battle in my teenage years, leading to hours spent watching YouTube tutorials on how to cover it with makeup, hoping to mask the flaws I saw in the mirror. The comparison game continued into my 20s, fueled by social media standards and the painful sting of betrayal from being cheated on, which further ruined my self-esteem.
Luckily, as I said farewell to my 20s, I had a wake-up call. Staring at my reflection one day, I realized I didn’t recognize the person looking back at me. I had neglected myself for far too long, and it was time to make a real change. I no longer wanted to feel that low and empty, and so my healing journey began.
The Journey Begins:
And so, my journey to self-love began. It hasn’t been easy, let me tell you. In fact, it has been one of the most painful journeys I have embarked on, but to say it hasn’t been beautiful would be a total lie. I dived headfirst into the depths of my psyche, confronting painful memories and buried traumas that had shaped my perception of myself.
I embarked on intense “shadow work,” digging into the darkest corners of my soul to unearth the wounds that desperately needed healing. It has been a raw and vulnerable process—one that brought tears, laughter, and everything in between.
The Beauty in the Pain:
But amidst the pain, there was beauty. As I faced my demons with courage and compassion, I began to unravel layers of self-limiting beliefs and negative self-talk. My ego had dominated my psyche and inner dialogue for most of my adult life and I needed to put an end to it.
I discovered that self-love isn’t just about bubble baths and reciting positive affirmations (though those certainly help!). It’s about embracing every part of myself—the light and the shadows, the triumphs and the scars. It’s about learning to hold myself tenderly, like a precious work of art in need of restoration.
Tips for Cultivating Self-Esteem:
Now, you might be wondering, how can you begin your own journey to self-esteem? I’ve compiled a few tips to get you started on your path to self-love:
- Practice Self-Compassion: Be gentle with yourself, especially in moments of struggle or self-doubt. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a dear friend.
- Challenge Negative Thoughts: Whenever you catch yourself engaging in negative self-talk, challenge those thoughts. Ask yourself, “Is this belief based in reality, or is it simply a product of my inner critic?”
- Set Boundaries: Learn to say no to things that drain your energy or diminish your sense of self-worth. Honor your needs and prioritize your well-being above all else.
- Celebrate Your Wins: Whether big or small, take time to acknowledge and celebrate your achievements. Celebrating your successes reinforces a positive sense of self-esteem.
- Seek Support: Don’t be afraid to reach out for help when you need it. Whether it’s through therapy, support groups, or trusted friends, having a support system can make all the difference on your journey.
Recommended Resources:
If you’re looking for some extra support on your journey to self-love, here are a few resources I highly recommend:
- Book: “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brené Brown
- Book: “You Are a Badass” by Jen Sincero
- Podcast: “The Self-Love Fix” by Beatrice Kamau
Conclusion:
It’s been a wild ride, filled with twists and turns, highs and lows. But through it all, I’ve emerged stronger, more resilient, and fiercely in love with myself. I still have my days where my self-esteem isn’t where I would like it to be. But I snap out of it quickly and remind myself that the negative self-talk isn’t my true self, and the little me that lives within me deserves better. Remember, you are worthy of love, belonging, and all the good things life has to offer. Embrace your journey, embrace yourself, and never forget the incredible power of self-love. Until next time, take care, and remember to be kind to yourself. You’re an amazing, sweet soul.
