The Truth About Growth No One Talks About
Last week, I wrote about being in the “in-between phase”— that space where you’re no longer who you used to be, but you’re not quite who you want to become yet.
And it got me thinking…
Why is it so hard to change?
Why do we want to change so badly, but our actions don’t match that desire?
I’m going to speak from my own experience.. what I’ve been going through.. because maybe you’ll see yourself in it too.
For a long time, I’ve said I wanted to become more disciplined and stop procrastinating. I started noticing patterns in my life that kept repeating in different areas. At the same time, this internal narrative would play on repeat:
“I’m not good enough.”
“I’m a failure.”
“I lack discipline.”
“I have no motivation.”
It was constant. And it made me feel worse. It’s like the desire to change was there… but the follow-through wasn’t. So I stayed stuck in this loop for years:
Wanting to change → trying for a little → going back to old habits.
When Change Feels Like a Threat
At some point, I realized something that shifted everything for me:
Change felt unfamiliar. And unfamiliar felt unsafe.
So my brain treated change as a threat. And what happens when something feels like a threat?
Resistance shows up to protect you.
For the longest time, I thought something was wrong with me. How could I want to become a better version of myself, but feel like I didn’t have the willpower to actually do it?
I would try for a little while… and then fall back into what felt familiar and safe.
The Pattern That Kept Me Stuck
Looking back, I can clearly see the pattern I was stuck in:
I would consume something inspiring → feel motivated → talk about it like I had changed → not fully apply it → and then fall back into my old habits.
And then the cycle would repeat.
A perfect example of this was when I first bought Atomic Habits by James Clear.
I really thought reading it would magically transform me.
I read it. Listened to the audiobook. Even started talking about it like I had mastered discipline. I was preaching habit stacking and small steps…
Meanwhile, I wasn’t fully applying it.
I even wrote a post on my blog a while back about “mastering discipline.”
Looking back now… I had the knowledge, but not the embodiment.
And I think that’s where a lot of us get stuck.
We mistake learning for becoming.
We think that because we understand something, we’ve changed.
But real change doesn’t happen when you consume information.
It happens when you consistently apply it – especially when you don’t feel like it.
What Finally Shifted for Me
Last summer, everything hit me at once.
My health, my mental state, my life… and it forced me to wake the hell up.
It was one of the most stressful and overwhelming periods of my life. I was going through medical issues without getting clear answers from doctors.
But in retrospect, I can see why I had to experience that level of discomfort during the second half of 2025.
I believe everything I went through medically forced me to finally change my life.
So I made a decision:
I chose myself.
I decided to leave my unfulfilling job in 2026.
I started making small changes in my everyday life to build better habits.
I gave myself time to fall back in love with myself.
And I began rebuilding my life intentionally.
Not perfectly, but consistently.
Fast Forward to Now
Here I am in April 2026.
Since quitting my job in March I started to working out. Doing pilates, walking on the treadmill daily, making sure I hit 10k steps a day. I became more mindful of what I eat. I’ve lost almost 15 pounds in 6 weeks.
But more than that…
I’ve been choosing myself every single day. And yes, having time and space helped a lot. But I also know this time is an investment in my future. Because while I’m building healthier habits, I’m also building the life I actually want.
Still working on discipline. Still learning accountability. But this time… I’m actually doing something about it. I stopped blaming everything on my past.
Yes, I grew up in survival mode.
Yes, my internal dialogue was negative.
Yes, fear, guilt, and shame shaped a lot of my decisions.
But at some point, I had to take responsibility for own my life, and be the adult.
So… Why Is Change So Hard?
Because it requires you to:
- Let go of what feels familiar
- Face the parts of yourself you’ve been avoiding
- Choose differently—over and over again
Even when it’s uncomfortable.
Even when you don’t feel ready.
Even when you fall back into old patterns.
Because you will fall back sometimes. That’s part of the process.
But this time, I feel different.
I feel more aware.
More prepared.
More committed.
I can feel the shift. And this shift didnt happen overnight. It took years of trying and failing to get to this place and have a more positive mindset.
Final Thoughts
Change is hard. Sometimes really hard.
But it’s also a choice, one you make every single day. And eventually, those small choices start to create a new version of you.
If you’re in your own “in-between phase” right now… Just know you’re not alone.
You’re not behind.
You’re not failing.
You’re becoming.
And the most beautiful version of you is already on the way, you just have to decide to work towards that version everyday.
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