I’m not going to lie, being back at work has taken a toll on my emotional health. Dealing with multiple medical issues all at once while trying to show up in an environment where I don’t feel at ease has been a lot. I’m doing my best to juggle everything and keep it “together,” but lately, life has felt overwhelming.
Over the last few months, my healing journey has tested me in every possible way; physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I’ve shared parts of my diagnosis with a pituitary tumor, but what I haven’t shared much about is how this all began and how deeply it has affected me.
The Beginning of It All
It started back in July, during the 4th of July weekend, when my left breast suddenly began to hurt out of nowhere. I woke up in the middle of the night to a sharp, excruciating pain that I had never felt before. For several days I tried to ignore it, hoping it would go away on its own but instead, the pain worsened. The area became red, warm, and hard to the touch and I began to worry.
Eventually, I went to see my primary doctor. Something I had been dreading because the fear of breast cancer immediately took over my mind. During the exam, I dissociated completely. I felt exposed, vulnerable, and terrified. My body was there, but my mind was somewhere else, trying to escape “my reality”.
After the exam my doctor ordered a mammogram and ultrasound, suspecting an infection rather than cancer. That gave me a little relief, but the fear didn’t just disappear. Deep down, I knew something was off. When a bit of milky discharge came out during the exam, he decided to check my prolactin levels… and that’s when my body truly started speaking to me.
For years, I ignored the signals my body sent me. I pushed through pain, silenced discomfort, and stayed disconnected. But this time was different. This pain demanded to be felt. It was the beginning of another awakening.. one that shook me to my core and forced me to stop being numb.
Breast Infection, Pituitary Tumor and New Medications
After several months, two mammograms, two ultrasounds, a needle biopsy, a round of steroids, and a brain MRI I was diagnosed with granulomatous mastitis, which it will be removed surgically in 2 weeks (I will talk more about it in a future post) and a pituitary tumor; prolactinoma (click here to read the diagnose).
The endocrinologist suggested that the brain tumor is most likely caused by the high prolactin levels. And instead of removing it now, she put me on medication to help shrink it. It’s a slow process and it could take up to a year to fully “dissolved”.
Still, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared or impatient. I’ve noticed since I started taking the meds, I feel sleepier and my mood constantly changing throughout the day. It makes me feel like I am in an emotional roller coaster. I understand this is part of the process and I believe everything I am currently experiencing it’s for my highest good.
The Emotional Weight of Healing
Now, four months later, I’m preparing for surgery to remove the granuloma in just a few weeks. The pain has flared up again, right before returning to work and it’s been hard to stay centered. I was “fine” while I was out on FMLA, focusing on rest and self-care, but going back to the structure and stress of daily life has stirred everything up again.
Some days, I feel strong and hopeful. Other days, I crumble under the weight of it all. I’m tired, not just physically, but emotionally. There are moments when I feel like the light at the end of the tunnel keeps moving farther away.
I try to remind myself that this is just a moment, not a lifetime. That even when it feels like too much, my body and spirit are working together to heal me. But I’d be lying if I said I don’t feel exhausted. My body is clearly communicating with me, showing me how much I’ve suppressed and now, everything I buried is rising to the surface.
Learning to Listen to My Body
This chapter of my life is forcing me to slow down and truly listen. To my body, my emotions, my intuition.
I’ve spent so many years running from discomfort, trying to fix things immediately, but now I’m learning that healing isn’t linear. Sometimes it’s slow, uncomfortable, and deeply frustrating but it’s also sacred.
Even when it hurts, I remind myself that this isn’t punishment. It’s transformation. I’m not a victim, and I never will be. This is simply another chapter in my journey; one that’s teaching me resilience, patience, and trust.
My body is talking to me, guiding me toward a new level of awareness, and showing me how to rise higher. I may not have all the answers right now, but I have faith that one day, I’ll look back and understand why this all had to happen the way it did.
For now, I’m allowing myself to feel it all; the pain, the frustration, the fatigue, and the hope, because that’s what emotional healing during chronic illness really looks like. It’s not about avoiding the storm but learning to stand in it and still believe the sun will come out again.
