As I hit another trip around the sun and get wiser and finer by the year, I want to take a moment to reflect on the last few years of my life and express my gratitude for turning 33; aka my Jesus Era. Being alive is truly a gift that a lot of us take for granted. For as long as I can remember, I never enjoyed celebrating my birthdays. I think I started to associate it with a painful memory from the past, which made me dislike my so-called special day. But it wasn’t until recently, that a friend helped shift that perspective and made me rewrite this entire post.
To say that I have changed is an understatement because, holy sh*t, I have gone through a whole metamorphosis in the last 3 years. I touched rock bottom, and I didn’t like how it tasted. I went to hell and back and came out a whole different person. Like many of us, experiencing trauma at any point in our lives could paralyze us if we don’t have the tools or knowledge to process it correctly and I was no exception. I was living life on autopilot, frozen in time, just trying to survive. Unaware of everything around me, both internally and externally.
Coming to that realization and becoming aware of all the unresolved trauma I avoided for so long was a huge shock at first. It felt like I had been asleep for a really long time, and suddenly I was woken abruptly to a very confusing world. For the first time in a long time, I wanted to feel alive again, and I desperately wanted to change into a better version of myself. I didn’t want to be defined by my past anymore, and the victim mentality that I had created had to go. I started to finally understand that all the things I had gone through happened for me, not to me, thus beginning my journey of healing.
Everything I suppressed for the majority of my life started to come to the surface for me to finally address, feel, and release. Allowing myself to feel the pain, the fears, and the big emotions instead of running away gave me my freedom back, and it opened room for my authentic self to come out. Doing shadow work was incredibly painful, but I managed to do it and didn’t give up on myself. I pulled myself out of very painful situations, finally giving myself the credit that I deserve. Never in a million years did I think that I would be in my early 30s, healing myself, diving into the depths of my subconscious mind, and becoming my higher self.
Turning 33 represents coming into my true self. Shedding old versions of myself that I am no longer aligning or resonating with and making room for all the good things life has to offer. Call it an ego death, rebirth, enlightenment, or simply maturing, so far my 30s have become nothing but teachable moments and becoming more self-aware. This has propelled me into the most beautiful version of myself, letting my soul truly shine. Holy cow! I still can’t believe that it took 30 years to learn everything I know now. This new Ale 2.0 is ready to leave the past in the past and finally enjoy the present moment. After a long time of being in survival mode, I have earned the right to step into my thriving era and become the most unapologetic version of myself.
I am sure I will continue to face more challenges as I go through life. The difference lies in the ability to use what I have learned so far in order to face whatever life throws at me differently, with a more mature mindset. Most importantly, it’s time to acknowledge, honor, and celebrate the woman I am becoming and all the growth I’ve had in the short span of 3 years (big s/o to my Saturn’s return; it has been a hell of a journey, but we made it). It’s time to celebrate and make reality the life I always envisioned all while giving myself a pat on the back for all the hard work I’ve put in. Cause these m’fuckers ain’t stopping me, like Queen Bey said, I Am THAT girl, THE ALIEN SUPERSTAR 👽.
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