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Have you ever found yourself caught in the avoidance trap? You know, the one where you plan to tackle that to-do list but end up binge-watching videos on YouTube or Netflix instead? Or when you would rather pretend everything is fine in your relationship instead of having that uncomfortable talk with your partner? Join the club! Avoidance has been my silent best friend for as long as I can remember. I have yet to figure out the event in my life that turned me into the avoidant person that I am today. But as I learn more about myself, I notice that I cope with anxiety and depression by avoiding and isolating myself from people and situations that feel extremely overwhelming. In this blog post, I’m going to dive into my personal journey against overcoming avoidance.
The Struggle is Real
Let’s be honest: adulthood is no walk in the park. Looking back, I can’t believe I used to think that being an adult was the sh*t. Between bills, responsibilities, and that never-ending pressure to have your life together by a certain age, adulthood is probably the worst hood I have visited. But honestly, with everything going on with life and its many struggles, can you blame me for wanting to stay in my cozy cocoon of avoidance forever? As mentioned in Dr. Daniel F. Gros’s PHD workbook, Overcoming Avoidance, “avoidance and isolation are natural reactions to negative emotions such as depression, anxiety, fear, and anger.”
When those big emotions come knocking at my door, my first instinct is to find the nearest distraction so I can feel better at that moment or forget about it. Whether it’s mindlessly scrolling through social media or binge-watching Netflix shows, I’ve mastered the art of running away. But here’s the catch: those big emotions that I’m avoiding aren’t going anywhere. At the moment, it might feel better to avoid it, but ultimately, I’m only prolonging the actual problem. In the long run, it actually gives me more anxiety or depression to avoid or isolate myself. And those big emotions will continue to haunt me until I finally have the courage to face them. I almost feel like a walking time bomb waiting to explode or be defused. But learning how to get in touch with my emotions has been extremely helpful. I am still a work in progress. Taking one day at a time. As Miley Cyrus would say, “ain’t about how fast I get there, ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side. It’s the climb.”
Facing the Fire
Now, here comes the fun part—facing the fire. Confronting those big, uncomfortable feelings and situations might feel impossible at first. The thought of even doing it makes me extremely anxious. But the relief I get after confronting what I was running away from is liberating and powerful as f*ck. I end up feeling like a badass for conquering something that gave me so much anxiety at some point. I’m currently using the workbook I mentioned above called “Overcoming Avoidance” by Dr. Daniel F. Gros, PHD, and I’m becoming more aware of the patterns I have learned throughout my life and learning how to cope in a healthy way. There are different tools one can use to help you overcome avoidance, such as therapy, journaling, workbooks, stress management techniques. You just have to find something that works for you, but most importantly, believe that you are capable of doing anything you set your mind to.
Overcoming Avoidance Final Thoughts
My personal saga of overcoming avoidance has had many ups and downs. It’s like breaking free from the clutches of a comfort zone that’s overstayed its welcome and embracing the uncomfortable. Growth often lurks just beyond our fears. Remember, the first step is awareness. By recognizing when avoidance is rearing its head, you’re already halfway there. As I continue on my journey to overcome avoidance, I am constantly reminding myself to be kind.
We’re only humans, and setbacks are inevitable. But by staying committed to our goals and being gentle with ourselves along the way, we can conquer avoidance and live our lives to the fullest. You’re not alone in this adventure. So go ahead, dive into the unknown, embrace the challenges, and watch yourself grow. Share your story in the comment section!