The day before I finished my newest anti-sabotage challenge that I shared last week, I received life-changing news.
And I’m not exaggerating when I say this: it changed me.
🧠 Two Months of Fear, Tests, and Waiting
For the past two months, I’ve been living in survival mode.
Doctor after doctor. My first mammogram. Ultrasounds. Two MRIs. One for my breast, one for my brain.
It felt like I was watching a movie of my own life from the outside.
I was here, but not here.
Dissociating every chance I could. Avoiding fear, anxiety, and all those emotions I’ve spent most of my life trying to outrun.
And then, after what felt like forever waiting for answers, I got a text message with the results.
Finally, the thing I had been waiting for what feels like most of my life.
My brain MRI showed I have a pituitary macroadenoma tumor; a type of pituitary tumor that affects hormones and emotions.
😭 The Moment Everything Hit
When I first read the report, I didn’t even know what I was looking at. It was all medical terms so of course, I did what everyone does: I Googled it.
And there it was, in black and white: pituitary tumor.
The fear hit me like a wave.
I cried.
Not just a little. I sobbed. I felt sadness, hopelessness, and exhaustion from always feeling like I’m “going through something.”
My partner was there to hold me, to be my emotional anchor. And after a while… a shift happened.
🌱 The Internal Shift After Learning About My Pituitary Tumor
For the first time in years, I finally had an answer.
I wasn’t crazy. I wasn’t broken.
This little tumor explains so many of the things I’ve been feeling. My emotional highs and lows, my hormone imbalance, my irregular periods.
For the past decade, I’ve been struggling with PCOS and irregular cycles. And every time a doctor shrugged and said, “Sometimes it just happens,” I would leave their office with a knot in my throat.
Deep down, I thought it was my fault.
When I was 23, I made the decision to have an abortion (something I’ll share more about in a future post). For years, I believed that decision “broke” me. That it was the reason I couldn’t get my period regularly. I carried that guilt and shame for over 10 years, right into my almost-35-year-old self.
But when I got my MRI results, that weight finally lifted.
I felt lighter.
My body felt free.
My mind felt at peace.
This diagnosis didn’t crush me like I thought it would. Instead, it gave me strength.
✨ What This Tumor Is Showing Me
This pituitary tumor is showing me that my body is not broken.
It is showing me that I am allowed to forgive myself.
It is teaching me that I can climb every mountain life puts in my path and not just climb, but grow stronger along the way.
It is helping me see things from a new perspective, one where fear no longer has control over me.
Right now, it is still changing me. It is helping me shed old layers of shame, helping me soften into trust, and helping me step into a new version of myself. One who is no longer afraid to be seen.
🔗 What Comes Next
This breakthrough moment is what pushed me to finish my 7-Day Anti-Sabotage Challenge and spoiler alert: it was transformative.
I also know this is just the beginning of a brand-new process. There will be more doctor visits, more tests, and probably some hard days ahead as I figure out how to treat this pituitary tumor and rebalance my hormones. But I’m ready to take on this journey with a completely different mindset. One filled with trust, courage, and hope instead of fear.
Next week, I’ll share my full 7 Days of Choosing Me recap, including the resistance that came up, the lessons I learned each day, and how this challenge is helping me plan my exit strategy from an unfulfilling job.
Because if I can face my fear of a pituitary tumor, I can face the fear of building a life I truly love.
✨ Key Takeaways
- Your body is always speaking to you. All you got to do is listen.
- Guilt and shame weigh more than any diagnosis.
- Finding the root cause can be the very thing that frees you.