Love is one of our greatest teachers. It’s a classroom that doesn’t offer traditional lessons or textbooks but instead immerses us in different experiences that shape our understanding of ourselves and others. I have been reflecting on the different life lessons I have learned through romantic relationships for a while, and I’ve come to realize that each connection has been a profound lesson in its own right, even if at first I wasn’t aware of it.
Every relationship has been a different chapter in my life that has taught me priceless life lessons about love, communication, compromise, and self-discovery. I believe relationships are mirrors of our inner world, which allow us to see what we hide beneath the surface. Our unhealed wounds caused throughout life will be amplified in these relationships. And sadly, in some cases, something that started as a beautiful thing can quickly turn into a destructive and damaging experience.
Ending a relationship usually brings tremendous amounts of pain and sadness. But it can also lead to powerful self-realizations and personal growth. I truly believe there are many life lessons to be learned from each romantic relationship we encounter. At first, it’s nearly impossible to see it because the ego loves being a victim. But once the grief starts to wear off, we can allow ourselves to see that relationship for what it was—a teachable moment in our personal journey throughout this lifetime.
In this blog post, I’ll dive into some life lessons I’ve learned from my romantic relationships so far—insights that have shaped my understanding of love, and ultimately, myself.
life lessons from my romantic relationships
- Love Yourself
- Expectations Leads to Disappointments
- Don’t Forget To Communicate
- Not Every Relationship Will Lead To Marriage
- Date While Young
- Your Unhealed Wounds Will Amplify In Your Relationships
- Don’t Lose Yourself
- Catch All the O’s
Love Yourself
As cliche as it sounds, this major revelation came as I was entering my 30s. I spent the majority of my life thinking that I loved myself when my actions showed the complete opposite. The concept of self-love was foreign to me. I grew up believing that love came from a partner. But mastering the art of self-love has been one of the most beautiful and important things I have learned from my relationships. Thanks to it, I now know how to prioritize my personal well-being, as well as my happiness and growth, before seeking validation or fulfillment from external parties.
Expectations Leads to Disappointments
You know the saying, “If he wanted to, he would”? Yeah, I wish I would’ve heard it sooner. I think most people enter relationships with unrealistic expectations. Don’t get me wrong; expectations are important. But there’s a difference between being realistic and delusional. I spent many years waiting to be someone’s main priority. Wanting to be seen. To be fancied and treated the way I always wanted to. I finally learned that expecting others to do as I please without voicing my needs and wants only leads to feeling disappointed. It’s important to set boundaries and communicate with your partner about what you want and expect from the relationship, which leads to…
Don’t Forget To Communicate
A HUGE one in my book. When I reflect on my younger years, I used to think that if my partner didn’t read my mind, it meant he didn’t love me. LOL. I have always struggled with how to properly verbalize my thoughts and feelings. Thankfully, I have an amazing partner who has excellent communication skills and is very in tune with his emotions. He constantly helps me get better at expressing myself and is very patient with me. We have built a safe space where we can both openly talk about anything without feeling judged. And it’s been an incredible journey, both profound and painful but nevertheless beautiful.
Not every relationship will lead to marriage
I’m the type of person who blindly believes in love and growing old together. And, as I get older and a bit wiser, I have learned that not all relationships will end in marriage. Some are there to show us something about ourselves that we weren’t able to see on our own, and they are helping us see the bigger picture. The most important thing is to not give into society’s pressure of having to get married by a certain age. The biggest lie we were told was that we need to have “our lives together” by the time we hit 30.
Date While Young
Honestly, this is a bit hypocritical of me. I haven’t really dated because I am a relationship type of gal. But I strongly believe now that dating, especially while young, helps you see what is truly out there and opens your eyes to all the possibilities. If I could go back in time, I would tell my 20-year-old self to focus more on herself and not take relationships during this decade seriously. Also, dating doesn’t always have to lead to sex. Getting to know different types of mindsets can help narrow down what to want and expect from a potential partner. Dating can be fun and non-serious, and it can definitely help you learn so much about yourself.
Your Unhealed Wounds Will Amplify In Your Relationship
This one was a hard pill to swallow. As I embarked on my healing journey, I became aware of how my unresolved trauma was manifesting in my romantic relationships through patterns and behaviors that I learned and experienced early in life. I spent many years and a lot of my energy in toxic relationships, thinking that eventually things were going to get better. But they don’t, not unless both individuals take accountability for their poor actions and truly have the desire to want to change. If you have been in an unhealthy relationship, I salute you. Leaving those types of relationships takes a tremendous amount of strength, energy and courage, and in most cases, many years.
Don’t Lose Yourself
It’s easy to lose yourself in a relationship, especially if you don’t have any sense of individuality. It’s important for both parties to build a solid and healthy foundation for the betterment of the relationship, but please don’t neglect yourself in the process. Remember, it’s about building a partnership that allows for personal growth while being together.
Catch All the O’s
I once heard that “the male ego is as fragile as a woman’s heart,” and I couldn’t agree more. From a young age, I formed the self-limited belief that men weren’t capable of handling “painful and uncomfortable” truths, because they lacked emotional maturity. For most of my adult life, I pretended to enjoy the type of sex I was getting. Faking orgasms, being “okay” with the vanilla sex and the lack of effort. Luckily, I’m no longer in my 20s. I’m finally learning how to voice my needs and wants and that includes my sexual needs. I have learned that it takes a special kind of man to want to learn how your whole body works. Life was meant to be fully experienced and that includes having mind blowing sex as well 😉
One thing’s for sure: lessons from relationships are pure gold. Each heartache and every blissful moment has taught me something new—like how to communicate better, how to truly love myself, what to expect from a partner and when to hold on and when to let go. Looking back, I’m grateful for these experiences because they have shaped me and helped me grow as an individual. These lessons aren’t just scribbles in my journal; they’re life’s sticky notes reminding me to embrace the messy, beautiful chaos of human connections. So here’s to the messy lessons that make us wiser and more in-tune ourselves.