Holy sh*t. I’m 35. How the heck did that happen?
Happy freaking birthday to me!
I welcome Chapter 35 with open arms. This year feels like a milestone — the year of my rebirth. Getting to my mid-30s without having a midlife crisis is a win in my book (don’t get me wrong, I already had those in the first half of the decade 😂).
I’ll be honest: up until 2–3 months ago, I was still in denial about my age. Then reality smacked me in the face: I’m now considered “middle-aged.” And instead of spiraling, I’m laughing, embracing it, and ready to talk about my rebirth.
🌪 My 30s: The Weirdest Phase No One Warned Me About
I don’t know if it’s just me, but being in your 30s is such a strange phase. No one ever told me how confusing and life-changing it could be. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster — thank you, Saturn’s return — filled with breakdowns, breakthroughs, and everything in between.
So here I am, reflecting on my wins and losses from the last 5 years, and the lessons that shaped me.
🌱 Looking Back at 34
Last year felt like one long awakening. There were so many “aha” moments and just as many hard truths. It was the first year I really committed to my healing journey. I went back to therapy — and for the first time, I stuck with it. Over a year later, I’m still going, and the tools I’ve gained are priceless.
Life tested me in uncomfortable ways. At work, I had conflict with an older colleague who mirrored my mom and triggered deep mother wounds. Looking back, I see that it was meant to teach me boundaries, emotional intelligence, and the courage to stand up for myself.
Then, a friend called me out for not keeping my word. It stung, but it was the wake-up call I needed. Ever since, I’ve been working on consistency and discipline (something I’ve written about in past posts).
And of course, three months before turning 35, I was hit with the biggest challenge yet: a pituitary tumor diagnosis. At first, it sent me into a spiral. But strangely, it turned out to be one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. It forced me to wake up, get out of my head, and return to my body. For the first time in forever, I’m learning to live fully in the present.
Year 34 was about facing my fears, losing control, and grounding myself in faith. It was about radical change — shedding survival mode and stepping into the woman I’ve always wanted to be.
🦋 Lessons from the First Half of My 30s
If I’m being real, the last 5 years looked nothing like I imagined. When I turned 30, I thought I could hit reset — erase my 20s and transform into a brand-new person overnight. What I didn’t understand was that change takes work. Real work. Healing. Unlearning. Reprogramming.
Instead, I fell back into old patterns. I self-sabotaged, I gave up too easily, I stayed stuck in survival mode. And every setback life threw at me was really just a push — forcing me to face myself and grow.
Looking back now, I see these years as one long metamorphosis. Layer by layer, I’ve been shedding what doesn’t serve me. Digging up suppressed emotions. Facing fears I ran from for too long. It’s been messy, painful, and exhausting — but it’s also been transformative.
And when I think back to myself as a kid or a teenager, I laugh a little. I thought by now I’d have it all — the success, the marriage, the kids, the house. That picture-perfect life we’re sold in movies or handed down by family expectations. I thought I’d be an “altogether adult” with everything neatly in place.
But honestly, my life looks nothing like that.
For years, that truth filled me with shame. I carried guilt like I was running a marathon I never signed up for, chasing a finish line that only kept moving further away.
Now? I’m done with that story.
I don’t feel guilty for not living up to someone else’s timeline anymore. I don’t feel ashamed for building my life differently. I’m finally okay with where I am — messy, imperfect, still figuring it out — but doing it on my own terms.
No one told me growing up that it’s okay to live life differently. That it’s okay to walk your own path. That “success” doesn’t have to look like the checklist we inherited.
At 35, I know now: life is about creating meaning my way. And that freedom feels so much better than the picture I once thought I had to live up to.
The first half of my 30s was all about breaking down. This next chapter? It’s about rising.
✨ My Intentions for 35
So here’s what I want this new year of life to be about:
- Prioritizing Health. My body is speaking to me, and I’m finally listening. Healing comes first.
- Building My Foundation. Career-wise, I’m creating the base for where I want to be in 5–10 years. Not following anyone else’s path, but carving my own.
- Choosing Self-Discipline. No more abandoning myself. Discipline is the love my future self needs from me now.
- Protecting My Energy. I won’t stay in places that drain me. My energy belongs to my healing, my creativity, and the life I’m building.
- Living for Me. At 35, I don’t want to live by the script I inherited. I want to live by intention, alignment, and joy.
This year is about radical self-responsibility. About showing up for myself every single day — even on the hard ones. About choosing me, over and over again.
I can’t afford to abandon myself anymore.
💜 Closing Thoughts
These past five years were about breaking down the old me. This year, I rise.
To anyone reading: whether you’re 25, 35, or 55, don’t be afraid of your messy middle. It’s where the transformation happens. Your life doesn’t need to look perfect to be meaningful.
Here’s to 35, to rebirth. But most importantly, here’s to finally becoming the woman I was always meant to be. 🥂
And to my younger self, I thank you for being brave, for overcoming every obstacle life threw at you even when you were scared. For believing in you even when the path you walked felt lonely and confusing. Thank you for getting me here ,to very this moment. Now you can rest freely and know that I got YOU and I will take on from here on. I love you 🫶🏽